twenty one pilots imagines

happy for you (tyler/josh?)

pairing: technically it's tyler x reader but josh is in love with you so
word count: 855
tw: lot's of angst, bottled up emotions, some self deprecation

a/n: this is the last part to a fic i did WAY earlier called amnesia (which also had a prequel called falling) so i hope you like it even though it's sad :):

"and are there any objections?" the priest asked. i took a small sharp breath.

i wanted to say something. i wanted to stop the entire wedding. for five years, five whole years, i watched my best friend and the girl i was secretly in love with fall in love. i couldn't say anything about it. tyler and (y/n) were so in love. not to mention, tyler introduced (y/n) and i. how could i break them apart?

yet, i still wanted to stop the wedding.

but seeing her standing in front of him, with her beautiful white dress flowing behind her, i couldn't find a way to put into words that i didn't want her to marry tyler. she was so happy. and just her being happy was enough.

"no objections? alright then, let us continue.."

the entire rest of the ceremony was painful, but with a happier undertone. it felt good to see my best friends happy. even with the circumstance.

after the ceremony, i told tyler i had to leave. i said i was feeling sick. in a way, i was. i could only take so much, emotionally, that it wouldn't be long before i did something stupid. tyler told me he hoped i would feel better and thanked me for being his best man.

i kept the music playing in my car on full blast the entire way home. it kept my mind off the aching it my heart that reminded me i would probably never get over my feelings for (y/n). and i just needed to give up.

once i made it home, i was greeted by jim. he could tell i was upset so he followed me everywhere i went, trying to make me feel better. but i simply could not push away my sadness. i had bottled it up for five years. way too long.

i stood in front of my mirror and looked at myself.

"what are you doing, josh? you actually considered stopping the wedding, you monster." i said to myself. i then threw myself onto my bed, letting my sadness drown me.

i quickly fell asleep, still wearing my suit and dress shoes.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

i woke up the next morning feeling groggier than ever. i remembered every single part of the night before. i sighed as i got into more comfortable clothes, like i should have the night before, and then sat back down on my bed.

i wasn't feeling as sad as the night before but i still felt upset.

i decided to do what i usually did when there was something in my head that i couldn't get out. i took out a pen and paper and begin to write a letter to (y/n). i wouldn't send it but i hoped it would at least help.

dear (y/n),

last night i attended your's and tyler's wedding. i know i left early because i was sick, but i need to be honest with you. that's not why.
the reason why is that i'm in love with you. i know i shouldn't be. you're my best friend and so is tyler. but i can't help this feeling.
it started when tyler introduced us five years ago. that was back when you guys weren't even dating yet. i planned to ask you out but tyler did first. given that he knew you first and you were both happy together i chose to keep my feelings bottled up inside until they went away. but they never did and now it's the day after your wedding and i'm writing you a letter i will never in a million years send to you.
i planned to stop the wedding. to risk everything and just explain my feelings. but i saw you two. you both looked so happy together that the modest part of me took over and i couldn't help but feel happy for you. and through all the feelings, i really am happy for you and tyler.
i'm really sorry if you ever somehow find this letter. i really hope you don't. i hope you, tyler, and i stay best friends and nobody finds out about my feelings. because i love you. not just romantically but platonically as well. i don't know what i would do without you and tyler. so stay cool, (y/n). and congrats again on the wedding.

sincerely,

your friend, joshua dun

i slid the letter in an envelope and hid it in a box. i put the box in my closet. i knew it would be safe there. i would have thrown it away but that would make me feel worse. as if i was throwing my feelings away.

after i took care of the letter, i crawled in bed and fell asleep again.