Tyler Joseph Imagines

Not Normal.

Warning: anxiety attack

Words 1711

ಠ_ಠ

You know that anxiety feeling you get?

You know how it's worse at night?

You know what it's like—    Alright, that's enough questions. I know you know what it feels like not to sleep.

I've been off my medication for 2 weeks...

Yeah, I know that's a long time. But you don't understand! I hate it so much, and the thought of needing pills to keep myself living normally makes me not want to live.

If I can't live right without taking some sort of pill, then why am I even alive?

But then again, once I take them I forget all about it and feel 10x better. But it isn't enough. I don't want to take pills to be human anymore.

I don't want to face that endless torture of stuffing it in my mouth and swallowing.

So, here I am.

Quickly, but quietly, tiptoeing out of bed and out of the bedroom door, leaving Tyler to sleep peacefully. He always sleeps peacefully. It kind of makes me jealous.

Once I'm down stairs I take that moment to take a deep breath in, my body's insides enclosing in on itself, making me feel this terrible cramping feeling in my gut.

Did I do something wrong? Maybe I did something wrong. It isn't normal to feel this way unless if I did something wrong!

Oh wait, I'm not normal.

I let out a sharp breath, setting myself down on the couch. My urge to move is unforgettable, the feeling of running might just ease the fire inside my lungs; inside my whole body.

Instead of going full on crazy and running, I bounce my knees.

It'll go away in a second, just give it a second. It'll be over in a second. Then I'll actually be able to sleep since 2 weeks ago.

It's fine. It's okay. I'm okay.

I lean my head down into my hands as a grip my hair, before shooting my head up to look at the ceiling. I let out another breath, the deep breath easing the feeling the slightest bit to make it less inconvenient.

A small groan escapes my lips, and it turns into a mourning hum. More like a quiet whimper.

It won't go away, the feeling won't go away.

It'll never go away. It's here to stay.

"Y/n?" Tyler's tired raspy voice startled me, making me jump the slightest bit and fling my head up. My back was to the staircase, so I didn't even try to look behind me. That would've made the unforgiving pain worse — no, uneasiness. It wasn't really pain, was it?

My breathing was heavy. I was hungry for air that would refuse to pass my throat. That didn't stop me from hearing footsteps getting closer to me at a rather quick pace. It wasn't running, nor was it considered fast, just quicker than usual. Urgent.

The footsteps wrapped around the couch and I felt the cushions sink with his weight. He didn't dare touch me, but yet he placed his elbow on his knee, leaning over to look at me. His eyes were full of sympathy and concern. His eyebrows furrowed the slightest bit. At least, I think they were. I could only see him from the corner of my eye. I didn't want to look at him. What if I burst into tears in front of him? Would that be so bad? Yes. Maybe. I'm not sure.