Tyler Joseph Imagines

I Can't Do This.

Warnings: talk of self-hatred. Crying. Cussing?? Idk anymore.

Words 1630

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"How can something so good end up being so torturous?"

Tyler let out a small huff of laughter as he turned off the bathroom light. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Y/n rolled her eyes. She didn't feel like trying to be nice tonight. "Of course you don't. You only experience the 'so good' part."

Tyler let out one of those 'nose laughs' as he plopped down on the bed beside his impregnated wife. "Gotta love the good memories." He flung his arms behind his head, closing his eyes with a small smirk.

Y/n whacked his arm, making him flinch, and look at her confusingly. "You don't get how painful this is! I'm tired: can't sleep. I'm uncomfortable: can't move. I'm sore: can't-"

"Y/n, I help you with all of those things. And I know it's difficult for you, but I'm helping all that I can. If you can't sleep: wake me up. If you're uncomfortable: I'll move you into a better position. And if you're sore: I'll give you some Tylenol." Tyler rubbed her arm. Softly trying to comfort her.

Y/n looked down at the sheets. "I just want this goddamn baby out of me."

Tyler let out a soft sigh, a sad smile taking his face. He didn't have a comforting answer to make her feel better, because he knew there was no way to change her mind about the situation. Instead, he just wrapped her into a long hug. Holding her close to him as if he'd lose her.

Y/n nuzzled her nose into the crook of his neck, closing her eyes. She felt terrible for feeling terrible — if that makes sense.

Her only thought was if she couldn't deal with the pregnancy how on earth would she deal with the actual baby itself? She feared she'd be a terrible mother.

The back of her eyes began to ache, and her throat formed a lump; she was on the verge of tears. She unwrapped her limbs from Tyler and put on a soft smile. "I need to use the bathroom." She excused herself.

She didn't want to tell Tyler about how horrible of a mother she thought she was going to be. She didn't understand fully why, but she knew part of it was because she wasn't sure if he'd agree with her or not.

Her normal mind knew it sounded stupid but her pregnant mind was constantly reminding her how horrible of a person she was for not being able to take the pain of pregnancy. She wasn't fit to be a mother, and it scared her.

Tyler watched y/n sensitively as she shut the bathroom door. It was as if he was bracing himself for her to have a breakdown right then and there.

Y/n stared at herself in the mirror, trying her best to ignore her perfect imperfections. All she saw was a failure. The dark circles under her eyes were evidence of the torturous nights awake, tossing  and turning to find a comfortable spot. Her red eyes were evidence for not only tiredness but tears that were theartening to spill.  She couldn't believe that Tyler could ever think she was perfect for him.

He wanted children. He wanted a family. And out of every girl he could have picked he picked the one that felt like giving up right then and there. The one that felt like everything that they did and planned was a mistake.  She should have never brought up having a child.

It wasn't that she didn't want to have a child, but she didn't want to do something wrong and mess up. She felt totally trapped in hopeless.

She splashed water in her face, hoping to somehow make herself look happier. She tried to put on a soft smile like she could 8 months ago when her life was perfect.