Beyond Trust

Part 53

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The plane ride isn't as exciting as it was last time. Maybe it's because I'll have to say bye to Jayden when we get there. I'm going to miss living with him. I ruffle his hair to mess with him.

"Hey! Don't do that." he says as he fixes it
"Will you come and visit?"
"I don't know, maybe."
"Come by anytime! Your room will always be open." I say with a smile.
"Yeah yeah." he looks out the window. He has the window seat while I'm in the middle. "Aren't you tired?"

"I'm fine." I respond.
"Those ugly dark circles say other–"
"Who are you calling ugly?" I say while pulling his ear.
"Ow! No one, okay? Damn! Tristan help me out here."

"Shouldn't have called her ugly." he says.
"I didn't call her ugly! I called the dark circles ugly!"

Tristan chuckles then grabs my hand, forcing me to let go.
"You do need to sleep." he says.
"I told you guys I'm fine."
"And I told you to sleep."
"Not happening."
~•~•~•~•~•~
I fell asleep.
Dammit.

We're on our way to the hospital where the woman who birthed me is. I can't stop my hands from shaking at the thought of seeing her again. What will I say to her? What will she say to me?

"I can do this." I whisper to myself. Tris reaches out to hold my hand.
"You were trembling." he says as he looks out the window.
"Thank you."

"Alright happy couple, we're here. Pay the driver, will ya?" Jayden says.
"Jayden I'm not paying you a dime." I respond. His friends dropped off his car earlier at the airport.

We all get out the car but before we go inside Tris pulls my hand back.
"Should I wait out here?" he asks.
"No, please come with me. You don't have to go in the room if it makes you uncomfortable but.. I just want you close by. I know that's selfish of me but..."
"I understand. If you ever need me, I'll be right there by your side. Do you believe me?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Let's go."

He doesn't hold my hand after this. We silently walk inside the hospital, check in with the front desk, then walk to her room. The closer we get, the more I feel my body shake. I never wanted to see her again. I hated her. I still hate her for what she did, that won't change.

We walk in.

"Joslyn. Oh my god, Jayden you found her. After all these years..."

I barely recognize the woman laying on the bed. Her once curvy body is now slim, bones visible. Her hair was thick and full, now it's thin with grey stands. Who is this woman I'm looking back at? Tears start forming in my eyes.

"I've waited so long to see you again. You look just like your father, my goodness. The only difference is you have your mother's hair." she says with a smile.

"No. You're not my mother, she's dead to me." I say.

"I know I failed you as a mother. I did awful things to my own daughter.. I ... I even..." she starts crying. "I'm sorry Joslyn. I'm so, so sorry. I know you won't forgive me but you have to know I loved your father more than anything. I did."

"I don't get it." I walk up to her bed. "I don't get it. I don't get it! You were an awful woman. You did horrible things, you didn't care for us."

"Don't talk to our mom like that." Jayden says sternly.

"It's okay Jayden. She's right. I left you as a small baby to go to the casino. Your sister cared for you and raised you. I was in a bad place and worst of all.. I lost everything I loved. I lost myself, my kids, Richard—"

"Don't you dare say his name. How could you say you love him after what you did?!" I can't stop the tears from falling.

"I loved him Joslyn. I still love him. When he left to go sell drugs, I couldn't handle it. It worried me sick so I turned to gambling. If I knew it would consume me.. bring so many demons... I would have never gone. I swear it! I tried and tried to fight my demons. Your father saw that. Unfortunately, because of me, he lost his life helping me. It wasn't until he took his last breath that I was reawakened. Everyday I wake up with that guilt. I killed the love of my life."

"Mom.. are you saying..?" Jayden starts.

"Yes. He knew the food was drugged. He knew. After you left Joslyn, I found a note. He put it in my bedroom before he ate. Here it is." she hands it to me.

It's reads;

Dear Adrienne,
If you are reading this then I have succeeded. I know you are planning on poisoning my food. I see now, that it is not you. You are battling horribly strong demons.. I'm sorry I left you to handle them alone. I will help you the best way I know how. If I can see your genuine, kind smile again before I go, losing my life will be worth it. You will fight the demons, for me. If watching me die will help you fight them, I will do it. I love you so much. Watch over the kids for me as I will watch all of you from the skies. I'll be waiting for you.
Sincerely your love,
Richard

"Why...?" I ask.
"I asked myself the same thing."
"He loved you.. more than anything... I see this now."
"You do?"
"Yes. I don't think I can completely forgive you but.. I can start trying."
"I'm so happy. So very, very happy. I can finally go in peace. I love you both." she holds out both of her hands. Jayden grabs one, I hesitantly grab the other.

"Mom..." Jayden says.
"Please take care of each other. I finally get to see you again, my love."

She closes her eyes as the heart monitor slows down. Jayden hysterically starts calling her name but she doesn't respond, just smiles. Finally the heart monitor goes to a thin line. No one will come resuscitate her. I see the letters DNR on the white board. She's gone.

Both my parents are gone.
I lost them both.
~•~•~•~•~
It's feels weird to be back at my old home again. Tris and I are sitting in the backyard, staring out in the sky. The sunset is nice.

"I'm sorry I made you see that." I tell him.
   "How are you feeling?" he asks.
"I'm confused. Why am I saddened by her death when I hated her for years? I wished for this all the time. So why?"
    "I guess it's because she's your mother. Not to mention, someone important to your dad, who's very important to you."
"Tris?"
     "Yes?"
"I'm sorry you have to see me like this." I start crying. "I wanted to help get rid of the sadness in your eyes. I wanted to help you smile, make you happy, yet here I am...crying..."

He pulls me to his chest, resting my head just under his chin.
   "I'm happiest when I'm with you. It's okay to cry gattina."
"I told you I'm not a kitten." I say through sobs.
    "I know." he says as he plays with my hair and holds me. "I know."
~•~•~•~•~
Saturday

Jayden and the woman who birthed– I mean.. my mother had the whole thing planned out. She was ready to be put in the ground this morning, next to my father.

It's currently 4:57pm. We said bye to Jayden and hoped on the plane. I'm going to miss him.

"I've got to tell you something." Tristan says as we walk through the airport. "It's important."
   "Yes?"
"Joslyn I–"

Camera flashes and loud people asking questions interrupt us. Goddammit, it was so peaceful in Ohio. It's times like these that make you miss living in a small city. We both sigh and keep walking.

"Tristan!" a female squeals from behind us. She practically leaps into his arms and he catches her. Who is this?

   "Friend of yours?" I ask with a smile.

"I'm his fiancé, who are you?"