Beyond Trust

Part 25

A/N; A long chapter to make up for the short one (;
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Joslyn's POV

This car ride back to his house is silent. It's as if everyone is lost in their own thoughts as Tris drives. I'm still pissed at him for saying those things to me but I know he didn't mean it. Lloyd always said my father and I shared the gift of 'smelling bullshit.' I hide my smile. I haven't seen Lloyd since I got into college but we do occasionally talk on the phone.
Tris stops to at a gas station to fill up his tank.

"Do you guys want anything?" he asks.
Everyone declines while I stay silent. He walks away into the store as 3 people follow him with cameras.

"Is that paparazzi?" Brooklyn asks
"Yup. He's Tristan Alvarez."
"What? The millionaire I was telling you about?"
"And what about his dashing sister." Ava adds.
"Wait! So I'm in the car with celebrities?! Are you a celebrity too?" she asks Jace. Unfortunately he's gone back to his usual quiet state.

"No but he is famous for his drinks right here in Rhode Island! Certainly you've tried it." Ava says. Jace opens his eyes and looks only at Ava. Her smile drops and she turns her head towards the front. "I'll have an answer for you Jace I promise."

He slightly nods then closes his eyes again. What did they talk about?

Tris comes back to the car and fills up the tank. He ignores the cameras and men saying his name and asking questions.

"It's the dumb magazine that came out. We didn't really have this problem before it." Ava explains.

Once Tris finishes he gets back into the car and lets out an agitated breath. I smile at this but hide it with my hand. I take out the picture the man gave us earlier and stare at it. I love it. Neither Jace nor Tris are smiling in it. Tris isn't even looking at the camera, he's looking at me. More proof that what he said was complete bull.

25 minutes later Tris stops the car in front of his apartment and everyone gets out. Just as I'm about to head to my car Ava stops me.
"I've got to talk to you. Please." she says. I've never seen her so serious before. I nod in response. I walk into Tris's apartment with her.

"Is this about Jace?" I ask.
"Yes."

Tris sits on the sofa while we sit on the couch.
"What'd he say?"

"He.. he has .. a daughter. A five year old daughter. He's going through something with her mother."
"What'd you tell him?" Tris asks.
"He asked if I still wanted him and I said yes but I'd have to think about all this. I'm not ready to be a mother. I want him but I don't know if I can really be a step mother to.. I don't know."
"So that's what he meant." Tris mumbles.
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Well what are you going to do?"
"I don't know Tristan dammit!"

I look at Ava and try to envision her as a mother. If anyone could do this, it's her. I take her hand and look her right in the eyes.

"Do you want to lose him?" I ask.
"Of course not!"
"He cares about his daughter dearly and he also cares about you. I know this because he wouldn't have mentioned this to you if he didn't. If he's willing to let you into his daughter's life you mean something to him. Don't let him go because you're scared of being a mother too soon. He's not asking that of you. He just wants to know that you really care for him like he does for you."

She doesn't say anything but her hand is trembling. When I let her hand go she walks over to her brother and slaps him across the face.

"Ava what the fu-"
"I'll be damned if I let you let go of a good woman like her! Tell her Tristan or I will."
"Ava. Don't."
"No Tristan you don't. You tell her right now or I swear to you I will. Explain to her Tristan. Let. Her. In."
"You know what will happen."
"It's already happening, isn't it? You can't hide it from me, I've seen this too many times."
"Ava.."
"Tristan. Pick, you or me?"

Tristan looks at me then curses. I have no idea what they're talking about.

"Fine." Tris says. "But I want us to be alone."
"Fair enough. Call me if he doesn't tell you the full story Joslyn. So basically tell me everything he tells you."

"Okay."
"Oh and Joslyn.. thank you."
I smile at her then nod. She leaves without another word.

"You could tell, right? That I was lying to you earlier when I said I wasn't interested in you." he asks.
"Yeah."
"I see. I'm sorry."
"I may or may not forgive you depending on what you say. What was she talking about back there?"

"I have OCD." he says.
"Oh that's it? So you have a little cleaning or organizing problem so-"

"No Joslyn, listen to me. I have an obsessive compulsive disorder that gives me intrusive thoughts."
"Is that why you like everything in three?" I ask.
He nods.

"Okay I understand but what does that have to do with us? Why are you pushing me away?"
"When I was 7 my dad gave me a guitar. I loved that guitar more than anything so it seemed normal for me to want to learn how to play it, right? Once I started playing it something went off in me. I had a problem. The second I became interested in playing it I didn't stop. I couldn't. Something inside my head continuously told me to keep going. Understand how to play each note, each cord, how to read and make music. I wouldn't stop for anything. Not to eat, not to sleep, not even to use the bathroom for God's sake. I used it on myself while playing that damn guitar."

He takes a deep breath than continues.

"My mom tried to stop me one day. She took the guitar away from me and forced me to eat. Even then, my mind was only on that guitar. My sister told me my eyes were empty and I looked dead inside. All my thoughts were on understanding every single part of that guitar. I had to understand it."

"That sounds awful." I say.

"Does it? After I mastered it I finally understood what had happened. I have plenty more examples but they all end the same way. I always end up with voices and persistent thoughts in my head telling me to master it. Understand it. It happens every time I get interested in something."

"So when Ava said it's already happening.."
"Yes. I'm interested in you. But unfortunately so is this curse. I already hear the voices, I'm getting so many thoughts, and I want to- no."
"Tell me. You want to.."
"I want.. no I need to understand you Joslyn. I need to.. dammit this isn't right. I shouldn't have to do this to you. I tried to push you away so you wouldn't have to be involved with me. You don't want someone like me."
"You're wrong." I say.
"Joslyn.."
"I want you."
"Don't do that. Don't say that around me."
"Tris."
"Come here." he growls. He takes my hand and guides me to one of the rooms. Once he opens the door he turns on the light and I see a beautifully decorated room. The window view is better than his actual bedroom.
"Beautiful."
"Remember when I told you I liked art that day?"
"Yes."
"It's more of an escape for me. I found that out in my teen years. Of course I had to perfect the art of drawing and painting but ever since I did I use it to lessen the effects of any other interest I may get. I haven't had to use it before you in years so that's good. I had.. peace."
"When'd you start getting the.. symptoms?"
"Symptoms? I guess you could call it that. I got them the second I saved you in that club. It wasn't anything major but as we talked more and more they grew louder and my thoughts became filled with- I drew a lot since then so that's this room."

I walk around the large room and gaze upon his beautiful artwork. They're all magnificent. I see a sketchbook on the floor so I pick it up.
"Don't-"
Before he could finish I saw what he drew.

He drew me.