Beyond Trust

Part 23

A/N; What do you guys think Tristan has?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tristan's POV

"Why?" she asks sadly.

I can't tell her why. I barely have a good enough reason myself.

Because I know I'll end up leaving you?
Because I don't want to lead you on?
Because I know I won't want to stop after I take you once? I can't let that happen. I cannot get attached to any other female.

But damn is she making this extremely difficult.

"I told you Joslyn, I'm not interested in you. If I fuck you and you get attached I won't hear the end of it from my sister." I lie.

She kissed me. She did this! I can't keep my head straight ever since. I am interested in her but not in a good way. Not in a normal way. And definitely not in a healthy way. I want to know everything there is to know about her. Her past, thoughts, body, mind, and much, much more. I want to analyze and scrutinize her until I understand every single detail and master it.
Fuck this way of thinking! Why must I be like this? She doesn't deserve this... she'll never understand why being interested in me will only bring chaos and disruption in her life. I'll only be a burden to her and any other female I even dare think of letting in.

But don't you want to know about her?
What does she think of you?
What does she look like under that racing gear?
What exactly will piss her off? Make her cry? What's her final straw? What will break her?

Dammit! Damn these thoughts.

She slaps my hand away. I failed to realize I was fisting her hair until she did that.

"Bullshit. I can smell it from a mile away!" she yells.

Interesting.. she can smell my bullshit, huh? I'll continue to pile it up for her sake.

"The only thing I'm interested in from you is sex and in case you didn't realize I fuck often. However, I'm never with the same girl twice. If I fuck you now then it'll be a total pain in my ass to even look at you again. Seeing as my sister took a liking to you, you'll just be a burden I can't get rid o-"

She slaps me before I could finish. I'm not mad though, I'm actually somewhat happy. She pushes me back then hops off the hood of the car.

"Fuck you Tris." she says with hatred.
"Tristan."

She doesn't pick her head up but I still continue.
"My name is Tristan."

She walks over to the switch and opens the garage doors. She walks out without another word. I thought the voices, the thoughts, would quiet down or maybe even diminish entirely. But no. It's only growing louder.

I follow her out the garage but I stay my distance. She walks towards her friend and smiles. I close me eyes and listen.
"Oh done already?" she teases.
"You know I don't have sex." Joslyn responds.
"Sure didn't look like it."
"Anyways! Why were you late?"
"Overslept."
"You were having sex weren't you?" Joslyn says unamused.

"How'd you-"
"You usually braid your hair when going out. It's in a ponytail now and you only do that when your at home or off to have sex. Am I wrong?"
"Fine fine you caught me."
"Well who's the lucky fella?"
"Not telling."
"What? You always tell me who it is and always rate them."
"Well not this time. He's more.. conservative I guess. Made me promise him not to tell you-err- anyone." she explains.
"Oh?"

I open one eye to look at her then close it again. I believe I know who it is but does she know?

"Well aright then." Joslyn says.

"Oh done already?" my sister says as she walks towards us. I open my eyes.

"You too? We didn't do anything. Ask him if you don't believe me." she never looks back at me.
"I believe you."
"How about you?"
"Unfortunately not. Boys are confusing."
"Don't I know it." both Joslyn and Brooklyn say simultaneously.

The girls end up laughing together while Jace and I go for another round on the track. It cleared my mind as I was driving but as soon as I stop it's clouded again.
I take off the helmet to look at her. She has her back turned away from me and I can't blame her. I wanted her to dislike me, to stay away from me. I'm not good for her but goddamn do I want her. I've broken rule one twice today.

1. Do not touch her

   "So why do you push her away?" Jace asks me.
"Why do you push my sister away?" I counter.
   "Because I have a lot of personal issues I don't want her involved in. However she's very persistent. I'll let her in eventually and let her decide if she can deal with them or if they're too much. Now you."

"You know what I have but my case is worse. I want her but my mind wants her in a different way. Plus, I'll eventually have to let her go and that'd hurt her more than ever."
     "You don't have to do anything you don't want to Tristan. Remember that. It's your life at the end of the day."
"Same for you."
    
He lets out a sigh.
"Your sister is something."
  "I'll beat your ass if you hurt her." I say with a smirk.
"I'll keep that in mind." he chuckles. It's rare to see him like this or even talking. Maybe it's the club environment that makes him quiet and preserved.

"You know what, I'll tell her now."
   "What will you do if she rejects you?"
"I'll respect that."
    "And if she accepts you?"
"We'll take it from there."

We both join the girls on the bleachers. He takes my sister to a private location to talk leaving me with Joslyn and her friend.
  
"Wonder what they're talking about." Brooklyn says.
Joslyn smiles at the direction they walked towards and nods.

  "So Mason invited me somewhere." Joslyn says.
"What? Where?"
   "Well he invited me out for roller skating again. I'm inviting you of course-"
"No no! You could go and have fun! I couldn't even stand on my two feet last time!" she responds fast.

I'm already understanding what's going on between Brooklyn and that boy but that's not my main focus right now. She went out with him? When? I press my teeth together to stop myself from asking her these questions. Did she grow feelings for him on their date?

Date? They went on a date! No, not if Brooklyn was there too. I've got to keep listening.

"He was holding on to you the whole time and he'll do it again." Joslyn says.

Well that's a relief.

"But he was mostly looking at you." Brooklyn says.

Dammit. Am I really jealous over a girl that's not even mine?

"I'll join you." I say without thinking.
   "No." Joslyn responds.
"That's a great idea! Two boys and two girls that way-"
   "I thought you weren't into going?"
"Well.."
   "Doesn't matter, you're not going." she tells me.

"Going where?" Ava says as she walks over here. Jace walks behind her without saying a word. I can't read either of them, I'll have to ask her what happened later.

  "Roller skating." I answer.
"Sounds fun!"
   "No I'll just decline." Joslyn responds.
"There's a fair opening up soon. Since the snow is pretty much cleared up now I think it's a perfect time to go. All of us." Ava suggest.

"We have to go to that! Please Joslyn." Brooklyn begs.
   "Okay fine but I'm inviting Mason."
"Oh.. alright!"
    "Next Saturday."
"It's a date!" Brooklyn says. Everyone gets quiet after this.

"We should probably go it's getting late." Joslyn says.
  "Yeah let's go." I say.