A Different Kind Of Crazy

Chapter30||Ice Cold

"We can never know what might have been but what is to come is another matter entirely."

- C. S. Lewis

After peering through the window behind me, I could faintly make out that the black van had already sped off in the opposite direction. I know Ezekiel will be informed and I know he'll make every effort to find me. He seems like the ruthless type of guy.

I slowly let out a long sigh. I miss the days when I would just mess around with Darcy. Come to think of it, if she hadn't died we all wouldn't be in such a mess. I know it has taken a huge load on Jacob, he is the one with a vengeance for Markov after all. I still can't believe that after all that has happened Darcy is gone. There won't be any more of her smart remarks. No one to hold me when I'm not okay. No one to give me that famous look of disapproval after I've said something crazy.

Why'd you had to die Darce?

I watched from the small window of the seat in front, the transition of vast woodland areas into more desolate concrete areas. The bus halted at the familiar modern-styled mansion that I so desperately broke out of. I got off the bus after having paid the driver and wasted no time in walking into the house, quickly shutting the door behind me. I Instantly let myself fall onto the couch, letting the feeling of complete alone time truly sink in.

Finally. I slowly inhaled and then exhaled, picking my phone up in the process. I instantly opened my Spotify playlist and hit the shuffle button just for the heck of it. There is the intro being played out for a while and I am unsure what song is playing so I just shut my eyes and waited for the song to finally start.

My mind constantly wandered from my mother to where Jacob and the others could be right now. I decided that I would not go back to live with my mother and I would try everything in my power to keep her away from me. After all, I was just a love child, she only loved me up until Dad died. But then again he didn't even care too much about me. He was rarely at home and even when he was at home he remained glued to his phone and was viciously protective of it.

"All along my mind is going crazy,
There's no more room for love in my life"

I let the lyrics of the song melt into my mind, allowing it to drift my thoughts off my dysfunctional life and unto something else. Something more present.

"Memories of us are so vivid,
Crystal clear your eyes begged for me to stay"

I inhaled deeply allowing myself to sink deeper into this new state of inner calm. My memories are replayed as if right on cue, just like the rolling of an old classic film. His eyes were sincere when they looked up at me. They held a certain warmth to them, they were now utterly free--unshackled even from the bondage of his hatred. Those all too familiar green eyes are what haunted me the most right now. They had a powerful hold over me once before but I don't think I've yet to completely let go.

"And when I had you all to myself (to myself)
I regret not holding on a little longer(just a little longer)
Now I can't stop you from hating me after all my lies"

But then those same eyes told a story. Running cold under the surface, it was very cold and unwelcoming. One that told me to keep my distance in case I should ever get close I'd instantly be hurt. A story that didn't give too much of his past but still gave all I needed to know.

"Tell me you'd want me close,

Tell me you'd never let go,