Too Good to Be Real

chapter 14

Roll with it.

Every day rolled into the next and she didn't even bother to know what each next day was.

She did nothing with herself. Just sat, ate and grew fat. Nia did all the work. It was weird- her mother's sudden niceness. Years ago, she might have appreciated it but now, it just seemed creepy and unnecessary. It made her feel miserable. Like she was the reason her mother had gone crazy.

Oma sat up numb for some minutes, her brain slowly filling her in on every event that led to this moment. She stepped down from the bed and sluggishly put her feet in her pink bedroom slippers. She yawned loudly, trying to pretend it was just like any other day before the pregnancy, where she would worry about facing an annoying Nia and not about pregnancy issues. Her pretense wore off when she saw her reflection in the mirror, her bulging belly was perfectly rounded and outlined by the morning sun.

Her grip on the dresser was rigid as she gradually lowered herself to her knees. It did little to hide the view though. She stared back at the girl in the mirror. She was no longer the simple and innocent girl she once used to be. The girl who hated boys. The girl whose only crime was being a wimp. The girl who wasn't pregnant.

She thought of Amara, Abigail and the others. Why hadn't they gotten pregnant ? They were way worse than her. She thought of her boyfriend and wondered what he was doing with his life now. She imagined him in a new school ; rich and smooth. She wondered if he had already gotten himself a new girlfriend or if he ever thought of her. She thought of the inscriptions in the boys' bathroom.

Her grip on the dresser remained strong, but the rest of her body was shaking. She closed her eyes so tight but that didn't stop the hot tears from profusing. In her mind's eye she saw him; naked and smiling, coming to her. But she wasn't the one he was coming to. It was a faceless girl. She forced her eyes open and glared at the crazy looking girl in the mirror with bloodshot eyes and a wet face. Her eyes travelled lower, stopping at the swell of her stomach, and she knew at once she would never grow to love his bastard child.

***

The dull but continuous bang from Oma's room was what roused Nia from her sleep. She ignored it at first, wished it to go away, but the screams that followed forced her to leave the comfort of her bed.

" What is it? " She asked tiredly, peering into her room with eyes still adjusting to the light. There was no reply. Her eyes focussed on her daughter, from whose head the sound came. She had a glazed look on her face and kept hitting her head and stomach simultaneously, deliberately and defiantly, on the now slightly cracked mirror.

" Stop doing this to yourself. " She muttered, slowly pulling her away from the shattering glass and hugging her. "Your life is not over " .

* * *

It was one of those awkward moments, when Nia didn't have an excuse to not be home and they both had to eat dinner together. They ate quietly, avoiding eye contact, lost in their own thoughts until Nia broke the perfect silence.

" You're moving to a new school after the baby. " She always mentioned the baby, like He or She was a phase they would soon pass and never hear or speak of again. It was either "before" the baby or "after" the baby, never "with" the baby. Oma said nothing after that. Her eyes stayed on the tasteless plate of vegetable salad before her, like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Oma didn't know if she was supposed to answer or not. She nodded stiffly, willing Nia to say more. She was relieved. The thought of going back to her school to see the faces of Dan's friends, the A-1 and anyone who Somehow knew scared her, but not as much as the thought of quitting school altogether.

* * *

The school was awesome. Everything about it screamed sophistication and intellectuality. The buildings were grand and gorgeous but dull, which gave them an attractive ancient look.
There were flowers and well cut lawns and trees, and the flooring was just exquisite. The halls went far, with different sculptures and other art to represent antiques. There weren't tiles, but floor boards, and the air was always chilly from the air condition unit even in the infamous Nigerian heat.

" Hello. You must be new. Welcome to Union high Asaba. We hope you like it here. " She watched the robotic girls walk away. Their greeting wasn't friendly, but automatic, as if someone was watching them and they had to do that. They weren't pretty. Their faces were plain and boring, but their uniforms and gait miraculously made them look interesting.

She felt lost and lonely. As usual, Nia couldn't make it there because of some meeting, so she had to do everything by herself. Luckily, she was in their magical uniform. She was able to fit in.

The rest of the day went slowly. It was nothing like her old school. The students were so smart and collected. They all seemed brainwashed. The girls were so perfect, it was like their future was already settled. She looked at herself, a teenage mother who didn't even know what she was doing.

It was an English class, which was taught by a white lady. She wasn't paying attention. She couldn't. She felt the tip of her fountain pen and pierced her thumb into it. It wasn't enough. Nothing was enough.

It was then she realized she would never like this school. She looked at all the students with contempt and envy. She felt blacker than she already was among them, the black sheep. She felt like they knew she didn't merit this school. Her mother bought her her way in. She would never like them as well. She led the pen to her wrist and pierced it. The pain was relieving. She deserved it.

She dropped the pen when she felt her eyes go hot and everything got blurry. She sat upright and stared ahead as the lady spoke things she would never remember. The tears flowed freely down her eyes, never to be noticed by anyone else but herself.

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