Into My Heart

VII

TWO WEEKS LATER

My phone had been ringing most of the day but, since Mallory was in need to special treatment for spine pain, I ignored them all day. At the end of it, as the young girl was asleep in the couch next to me, as we were watching some random Netflix movie, the phone rang again and, this time, out of patience, I picked up and whispered:

"Yes?"

After a small silence on the other end of the phone, I hear a familiar voice:

"Hi, it's Sam, your sis-" the girl starts, before briefly interrupting herself and continuing, "oh, sorry, I mean, it's just Sam."

"What do you want, Sam?" I coldly ask, already feeling my emotions get the best of me. 

I can tell from her breathing that she did not take that well but, on the other hand, I couldn't really feel sorry for her because that's just the way I am: I raise huge walls around myself so that people don't get in.

Because they're too much shit buried here, trust me.

"Look, I get that everybody have their own way of coping but... Yeah, like, dad's not alright - his condition has gotten worse. If you want to be able to spend some last moments with him and properly say goodbye, it's now or never."

My heart aches, but I don't show it the least, as I answer, sighing:

"Sorry, Sam, but-"

"He needs you."

Those words just make my eyes go wet in one second, as I feel my hand shaking. I just stare into emptiness, feeling my body doing the same than my hand. After a few seconds, I can tell Sam is about to stop the call.

When she does, I start crying - not a huge, dramatic cry, but a few tears and convulsions. Not enough to raise any flags, but enough for Mallory - who has been awake this whole time it seems, now staring at me - who had seen me cry.

Immediately turning my face away, I wipe my tears and take a deep breath.

"Excuse me" I only say.

The young girl stares at me with her intense, brownish eyes, before only saying:

"It's alright, I've heard about your dad."

"You... what?" I ask, frowning.

"Yeah, you know, Orange's a small city, and your dad has made some friends there, along the way... Anyway, I know you don't think so, but I've lost many people in my life, so I know how you feel: always this need of not showing any pain, otherwise people would use it against you. Or that's what we are thinking, but in reality... Never mind."

The tears are close from falling again but, this time, I stop them in time.

I cannot get angry at Mallory: she is seventeen, in a wheelchair, and has lost many people, so I've heard. Setting my jaw, I try to get my anger into control - it is not her I am mad at, but my dad: for the lost time, for a connection and now know I will never be able to experience.

I nod my head slowly, closing my eyes.

"Sam's a good person" Mallory suddenly says, catching me off guard. As I am staring at her, about to ask her how the hell she knew I was on the phone with her, she explains herself: "I mean, Kristie would never call you because she has too much pride. But Sam's a good person: one day, I was near a coffee shop I couldn't get in because there weren't special entrances for disabled people, and she was just walking by. Then, she just stopped, and went into the coffee, starting a real-life revolution, before getting out of the coffee with two cappuccinos and three cookies, offering them to my former nanny and me."