Into My Heart

XLIX

KRISTIE

Everything seemed so gray now.

After three consecutive meetings with Stacey Press and her two older daughters - who also happen to be lawyers - alongside Alex Morgan, my head was going to explode: most importantly, we managed to maintain peace between Press Corporation (now owned and  run by Stacey Press herself) and the Dragons (painfully lead and managed by Alex and myself). As everybody was leaving in order to take a little bit of the sun before it sets, I just find myself a quiet spot on a balcony, and just sit there, on the ground.

Ever since Rachel died, I've thought about her every minute: I thought about all the regrets I had, all those opportunities I've had to tell her how I really felt but I never took them. Rather, I just denied everything, and now she's gone. Although I wasn't in love with her anymore, and for years I haven't been, I couldn't help but feel attachment. And now, her mother hates me and my family, and I couldn't even assist the funeral - who can blame her, though ?

Behind me, the door opens, and a calm yet deep voice raises:

"Do you mind if I sit for a minute?" 

When I turn around, I immediately realize how intense the conversation is going to be.

Christen Press is standing there, her arms crossed against her chest, her eyes filled with sadness and anger. Her facial traits seemed very tired, as signs of her traumatic coma were showing: she seemed to be shaking up (her whole body, actually), as if talking to me was the ultimate effort or sacrifice.

When I nod my head yes, she slowly sits down against the wall, right next to me. After a few seconds spent in silence, I took my courage between my hands and declare:

"It's about time you're back, Christine"

She cracks a smile, but it is empty and brief.

"Yeah, sorry, I was busy being in a coma and processing the fact that your sister killed my father." she coldly answers, and I get now that her smile wasn't even a smile. 

My blood runs cold: obviously she is still as mad as when she found out.

At that very moment, I kind of feel bad for her, but also for Abby: all my sister ever did was to defend herself, before Cody Press went to find her and almost killed her. But I obviously couldn't say that...

Or could I?

"I'm sorry to say but your father - bless his soul if he had one - kind of was a jerk and almost killed Abby, so it basically was him or her"

Wrong answer, oops, I think to myself, as her eyes turn dark. Although I felt bad for her because she lost her dad - jerk or not, it's never easy - I also respect her too much to try and be an hypocrite. 

Setting her jaw, she just answers:

"Wow, they told me you were relentless, but I didn't imagine it would be that much."

"Well, I'm a gang leader now, I have to be ruthless, too, right ?" I let out, before smirking shamelessly. As her eyes basically kill me, I add: "Listen, Christian, you and I are very much alike: when we are hurt or feel betrayed, we totally shut down and don't even bother trying to understand other point of views. We remain focused on our own version, because we are too scared to feel betrayed again, or to feel dumb because we felt betrayed while we weren't really betrayed."

Obviously, Christen was following my flow of thoughts, but she didn't seem to really get the point.

Indeed, she just lets out:

"Mh... What?" 

Rolling my eyes at her, I go on:

"When I was in high school, I was in love with this girl, she was captain of the soccer team, while I was head cheerleader. I've always been told that I shouldn't date anyone, let alone a girl, if I wanted to achieve greatness, so when this girl admitted her love to me and tried to kiss me, I just exposed and ridiculed her in front of the whole school, pretending that I didn't feel anything at all toward her. And guess what? It's one of my biggest regrets in life, especially since she died few weeks ago."

"Rachel..." Christen whispers, and for the first time those past minutes she seems to have another facial expression than anger: shock. As my eyes become a little bit wet while I am fighting all those feelings, she adds in a softer voice: "I am sorry, Kristie, I didn't know-"

"Of course you didn't: I hid it from the world" I interrupt her, angry at myself this time. As she silently nods, I continue: "I was so stupid, but you don't have to me. I know Abby killed your father, and that you cared about him at some level, but you must know her version because when we found her with his body, I could've sworn she was dead as well, although she was standing there. She was horrified, and bet her first thought weren't 'thank God I saved my life' or 'shit I am going to finish my days in prison', no... It was: 'Christen is going to hate me', and it broke her fucking heart."

Suddenly, I knew I had touched a sensible part of Christen: her eyes were suddenly wet, as she would look away from me, obviously overwhelmed by the mention of Abby. Willing to warn her against the very mistakes I had made with Rachel, I took deep breaths.

As she was about to speak, I just say:

"Listen, Christen, I'm nobody to tell you what to do with your life, let alone your personal life: I mean, I'm a nobody in your life, but I am going to say one thing to you: if you love my sister as much as she seems to love you, you might as well want to hear her side because she has been a mess for months now. Just sayin'."

Christen takes a deep breath. 

"You're right, Kristie" she only whispers, thoughtful. 

I nod.

"As always."

"Oh and" she says, getting up, "you finally got my name right: it's gotta mean something right ?"

With that said, she exits the room, probably on her way to see Abby...