Chapter Twenty-Four: Try Again

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The past has an acute power of not staying there. The moment you feel everything has been dealt with, the very thing that was brushed under the rug reveals itself, ready to finish what was started. Jason never left. Jason only allowed our distance to fuel and feed his anger, aiding him in his plan for revenge. His bitter emotions of what was refuse to let him reconcile with what is. Instead of finding a way to cope, he continues to damage.

The night of Jason's recent return left me nearly traumatized. I could not sleep a wink that night, but I was also afraid to leave my bedroom. Therefore, I awoke from my short slumber and retreated to my bathroom to somehow metaphorically wash away the pain. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought that I somehow escaped him again. I did not allow him to hit me this time.

That should not be a milestone for me, but it is. Too many times have I allowed the palm of his hand to silence me. Too many times have I allowed his words to eat me alive and spit me out. Too many times have I let him have control.

These thoughts kept me stable until I could muster the courage to pack a few suitcases. I could no longer stay in my own home, Jason won that right. I packed enough to last me a week until I can figure things out. For now, I am yet again, an univitied guess in my sisters home.

"Autumn, love you have to eat something." She sighs as she pushes my plate towards me.

I glance at the plate, rolling my eyes at the delicious platter of: wheat toast, egg-whites, and basil leaves; I have no appetite.

"Not hungry, Karen." I exasperate, slipping out of the barstool. "I'm going to take a nap."

Karen sighs once more, waddling after me with a concerning frown.

I hate being the cause of her worry, especially when she is due to burst at any moment. It is selfish of me, and I understand she does not need her little sister adding onto her current stress, but I need her right now. Karen is all I have.

"You can't do this to yourself, I won't allow it." She grabs for my wrist.

I lower my head and turn to her.

"I-I don't know what to do Karen. I... I just don't know what to do. I'm scared. So scared, Karen." I cringe, allowing my shell to be shed.

Karen inhales deeply and pulls me into her chest, exhaling into my hair as she squeezes me.

"I'm not going to let him hurt you. I swear I will not let him hurt you, love." She whimpers. "You're safe, Autumn. You are safe."

I nod and squeeze tighter, allowing my body to tremble as it may. I needed the reassurance. I already knew the truth, I just needed to hear it again. Jason cannot hurt me, Jason will not hurt me.

The weeks have past slowly, everything that occured in the last few weeks not even close to being a distant memory. Not a day goes by that I do not think of the many choices I have ,ade or how I could have rectified them. My biggest regret, losing Timothy. His broken voice as he walked away plagues me, even more than the evil tone of Jason's call for revenge. I miss the lad terribly and it has been eating me alive.

I do not know which situation is worse, the possible love of my life walking out of it or the most terrfiying nightmare of my life trying to force himself through it. Either way, I have to find a way to collect the broekn pieces of my life and find the befitting puzzle.

"Shannon, hand me the stapler please." I sigh, shuffling todays draft in correct order.

With quickness, Shannon hops from the chair she was previously occupying and retrieves the stapler, placing it in front of my tactfully.

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