Chapter Four: Fear Leads Astray

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A moth and a flame. Two obviously different things. One considerably animate and the other, not so much. But for some odd unorthodox reason, these two things, these two polar opposites attract. Commonly used as a reference to infatuation, longing, and even need. Why that is, is an enigma itself. But nonetheless, these significant opposites represent one beautiful endearment we all want to experience; love.

I don't think I can recall an account where I've ever felt mentally baffled. I am not usually an omniscient person, but I am always aware and for the most part, well educated in everything. I can easily justify my actions, my words, and even my thoughts.

There has never been a time where I have lost an argument, nevertheless backed down from one.

Maybe during that one point in my life, back in high school when I lost Nicholas Rainy to a girl that might just have had the brain capacity of a toddler; which is an insult to the toddler. That would be the only instance in which Autumn Heart, was mentally and emotionally, stumped.

Well, at least I thought so.

Returning home after a quite eventful evening, I had a few questions swirling in my head. At the time I didn't have any answers for them. All I knew was that one man was the cause of them all.

Timothy Ashley.

His neck-hair-raising charm and effortless wit have brought this verbose author and visual expressionist, to silence.

It could be the way he so easily tapped danced with me. The way our words sort of, collided with each other. Such an easy collision it was. Never was he short of an answer and never I short of a response.

It was exhilarating.

It was terrifying.

I could be overreacting. Reacting to such a simple situation -that just so happens to involve human interaction with an undeniably attractive male- as an introvert would. If this is true, then I know I need to get a hold of myself.

I am usually complacent, but never purposely. I have just never entertained such a situation, not since Nicholas Rainy. But alas, here I am, over analyzing nonexistent emotions.

Therefore because of my new dissonance, instead of returning to the comfort of my own home last night, I decided to squeeze a little of a girls night with Karen.

I needed a distraction and I figured my ardent sister whom unfortunately admire, would be just the appropriate kind I need.

She obliged happily, her arms inviting as she squealed on and on about finally having an "adult sleepover". It wasn't until Ryan made it known that he was very much so still a resident in their townhouse and therefore wouldn't be tolerating his wife's squawking that night, that she actually calmed down.

The night wasn't bad. I was able to unwind and forget everything. Between laughing at an old comedy favorite and filling ourselves with ungodly sweets as if we were glutton, I didn't have the time. I went to sleep that night feeling oddly replenished.

I definitely needed that.

"And how was yesterday?" Karen asks, sliding a breakfast tray of granola, yogurt, toast, and orange juice my way.

Stopping the tray before it could slip past me, I inhale deeply and exhale softly.

I honestly forgot about my "date" for today. In the glee of last night's experiences, I completely forgot about the very person that had my mind overwrought in the beginning.

Oh, how I wish I had a bit of amnesia right now.

Evidently noticing my hesitancy, Karen let's out a small sigh of her own and quietly shuffles towards me. She doesn't utter a word as she slips into the bar stool adjacent to me, instead, she flashes me a goofy smile and sips at her morning caffeine.

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