The Road Of Autumn [Interracial/WWBM]✔️

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Art of Realization

"Are you sure you're okay, I have been talking to you for the past hour and you have yet to tell me to shut my trap... Or something along those lines. Why?" She plops beside me, her eyes judgemental and her lips pouted.

I returned to San Francisco with a ping in my heart, feeling colder than the approaching winter. My hand was empty of his, but my mind was not. Watching him walk away left me as miserable as he felt when I never returned his endearment. I wish I could go back in time and relive that moment, tell the lad that I am idiotic and afraid, but I want to be his.

A week would go by and I would not hear a peep from the handsome doctor. The week was smoldering with the anxiety of what was and heartbreak for what could have been. I would be selfish if I claimed that my pain is far worse than his; I would be sadly mistaken.

I miss him. I want to be with him. I need him.

"There you go again, spacing out!" Karen shoves me lightly. "Why?"

"I think I... I don't know." I sigh, feeling the threat of tears welling.

Be honest with yourself, Autumn.

I nod and wipe away a lone tear, grabbing for a nearby sham. I clutch it to my chest, closest to my heart as I inhale.

"I lost him." I whimper, my voice just as uneven as my breath.

Karen scoots closer and places a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Lost who dear?"

I suck in my lips and lower my head into the sham.

"Him. The only him." I mumble, coming up for air. "Timothy."

Her reaction comes instantly; her eyes widen and a gasp escapes her lips. In return, I lower my head back into the sham, closing my eyes only to envision that pain in his; this truly is eating me alive.

"How did you manage to do that? Autumn, tell me what is going on." Karen coo's, gently lifting my head from the sham.

I inhale deeply.

"In Portland, we were inseparable. We had sex. We--"

"Sex Autumn! You guys had sex?!"

I exhale harshly, inwardly silencing the images in my head.

You need him, Autumn.

I shake my head in agreement with my conscience. I need him, now more than ever, I need him. I need him to hold me and allow me to apologize a thousand times for hurting him.

"I never meant to hurt him." I whimper, turning to Karen. "He was so good to me." I fall into her open arms.

Karen sighs aloud, rubbing my back as I cup her firm baby-bump for comfort. She mutters something along the lines of "Things will get better" and "Welcome to being in love." Her coos are greatly appreciated and her words of wisdom do not fall on deaf ears.

I do not understand how I managed to let a man like him fall through my fingers as if he was sand on the beach. I pushed him away as if he meant nothing to me, ignoring the desire in my heart begging to be free. Now all I can do is cry for him to hold me. I do  not think I have ever been in love and lonely.

"I gotta fix it." I croak, lifting myself from Karen's lap. "I gotta fix it."

Karen nods and brushes her thumb across my cheek.

"You will, love." She smiles, taking my hands in hers. "You really do love him."

I glance at our hands before meeting her gaze.