All Because Of Him

thirty nine.

 "Can I ask you something?" I asked Jessica as I dug my spoon deeper into the bowl. After Aiden dropped me off, I spent the night going over everything in my head. I came back to an empty house, and figured Jessica spent the night at Shawn's place. Mason didn't come home until around 3 in the morning, I heard his footsteps from the hallway as he walked over to his room and slammed the door shut.

Last night didn't go as planned, same as everything else in my life. I kept thinking about the words Aiden said to me as I sat on his lap. He almost seemed... uncomfortable. It didn't make sense that night, and it still doesn't this morning.

When Aiden and I were together we would have sex pretty often, at least as often as I think couples have sex. Aiden is the only guy I've been in a relationship with, so I don't have anyone else to compare it to. But still, even then he never refused me.

I woke up this morning feeling tired since I only slept a few hours. I immediately went over to my Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and poured myself a bowl. It was my favorite cereal, and I wasn't in the mood to actually cook something.

Jessica seemed to be in a good mood, and it didn't take long to guess why. I'm happy for her and Shawn, but while she was filling me in on all the gory details I found myself almost starting to envy it all.

Something I've learned so far this summer is that everyone has a story to tell, everyone has done so many different exciting things while I haven't. Memories of Aiden's party at the beginning of this summer come flooding back into my mind. Everyone taking shots for all the dirty things they've done, while me sitting in the corner sober as a judge.

"Sure," Jessica replied, breaking me away from my thoughts. I let go of my spoon and turn to face her. We were both sitting on the stools in front of the island in the kitchen, and unlike me Jessica actually made breakfast. It was just eggs and toast, but still when I turned around and got a whiff of it, it couldn't help but make my stomach growl.

"How do you know when it's the right time to sleep with someone?" Jessica takes a moment to process my words.

"Wait... Are you talking about Aiden?" I start to feel slightly embarrassed about her question, "I remember you two used to practically rip each other's clothes off every chance you guys got." Well, not really.

During the time Aiden and I dated, Jessica would always try to ask about the details, she wanted to know everything. And I admit, sometimes I would make them sound more risque than they really were. I would always hear stories about her and Shawn at parties, or behind the bleachers at school, and a part of me didn't want our sex life to sound so boring. Truth is, Aiden and I haven't had sex in any other place besides a bed, he made sure of it.

"What happened?" She asked. I sucked in a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

"Well last night I tried, and he didn't seem very into it. I know it isn't that big of a deal, but to be honest I felt rejected. I don't know, maybe we aren't there yet, but if we're not, I'm not sure how to get us to that point."

Her eyes softened at my words, I could see the pity in her eyes and I looked away. Jessica has never had this problem, whenever she wants to have sex, it happens. I don't want to force things with Aiden and I, but I am interested in hearing what Jessica has to say about this, maybe she can give me some helpful advice.

She opens her mouth to speak when we are both interrupted by the sound of Mason coming down the stairs. I turn my head to face him, and shift in my seat. He was wearing grey sweatpants, and a white sleeveless muscle tee. The sweatpants clung onto his waist so tightly I can almost see a print form as he walks down the stairs.