Across the Pond

Chapter 25

I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning around in bed all night. I even picked up my phone a few times and contemplated calling Nico. I can't believe he hasn't called me. In his defense, I basically implied for him not to.

Instead of reaching for my phone, I throw the covers off and hop out of my bed. I make my way downstairs and head to the kitchen for a glass of water. That's when I notice the lights in the living room on. 

"Mom?" I call out when I notice the back of her head. She turns around on the couch so that she's facing me.

"Isabella, sweetheart, what are you doing up this late?"

"I couldn't sleep," I say, walking over to where she's sitting. "What are you doing up this late?"

"Couldn't sleep either," she shrugs her shoulders and smirks.

"Why?"

I sit down next to her and lay my hands in my lap.

"Just thinking," she says, nudging me with her elbow. "What's your excuse?"

"Same as yours."

She tilts her head and then dips her chin down to look at me better. "What were you thinking about?"

I don't even want to say his name out loud because it'll just make me miss him more, but I have to. I don't keep anything from my mom.

"Nico."

Mom reaches over and places her hand over mine. "Aw, honey. What's wrong?"

"We're not on speaking terms right now. But before you say anything, it was my choice. And now I'm kind of regretting it."

Mom looks more upset than confused. "Why aren't you speaking?"

"It's complicated," I sigh.

"Love always is."

"What?" I remark, the 'L' word catching me off-guard.

"Love. It's complicated. It's messy and confusing. Overwhelming." When I look at her without saying anything, she goes on. "One look is worth a thousand words, Isabella darling. And I see the way that you look at that boy. I know love when I see it."

"Is it really love, though, if it's one-sided?"

"Sure. Why can't it be?"

"I don't know," I pause. "Maybe it's just in my head. Maybe my love for him isn't real."

Mom smirks at my response. "I think it's so real that it scares you."

"Just like your feelings for Adam scare you?" She moves her back closer to the headboard and lets out a deep breath. "Is that why you couldn't sleep?"

"One of the reasons."

"And the other reasons?"

She looks at me closely. "I was thinking about what you said earlier tonight. Maybe I am afraid of getting my heart broken."

This time, I'm the one who reaches for her hand. "And that's okay, mom. That's normal. You haven't had it easy and I get why you're afraid. I know how strong you are, and you know how strong you are, but sometimes I think that you're afraid that you'll lose that strength if you give part of yourself to someone else."

Her eyes start to tear, and then mine do. "I just don't want to get hurt again."

"But you're hurting yourself more by not trying," I softly tell her.

"I know," she gazes ahead. I lay my head on her shoulder and look ahead, too.

"You know I'm always here for you, right?"