Across the Pond

Chapter 23

I turn up the dial on the radio in the hopes that I can just enjoy this drive and not have to deal with Nico bringing up Danny. I'm able to get as far as turning up the volume, when Nico decides to say something.

"Are we not going to finish our conversation?"

I slump my chin in the palm of my hand and look out the window. The truth is - I'm feeling all kinds of emotions right now. The biggest one involves the realization that Nico is right. I am his. Because I choose to be. I choose to remain stuck in this place with him. This place of me not being able to see past him. My love for Nico is deep, so deep, that it scares me. But he doesn't know it because I keep it from him. And now, I've finally met someone who's piqued my interest. Someone who isn't Nico. And I feel ready to give the attention that I had only given Nico to someone else.

It doesn't bother me that Nico doesn't like it. Some part of me wants him to be jealous; wants him to get angry when another guy talks to me or has his arm around me. What bothers me is that his frustration doesn't come from a place of desire. Nico doesn't want me the way that I want him. It comes from a place of possession. Of him being used to the fact that I'm always around, always available, always his. And someone tampering with that is not okay with him. But I don't know how much longer I can keep things going this way. And I shouldn't have to. I deserve someone who wants me the same way that I want him. And with Danny, that could be a possibility.

"What's there to say?"

"Look, BC, I didn't mean what I said when I said you were mine. I wasn't even thinking when I said it, it just came out."

"Sometimes, it's the things we don't think to say that mean the most."

"So, what are you saying? You think I really believe that you're mine?"

"I think if you do it's because I gave you reason to believe it."

He shakes his head out of confusion. "What does that mean, BC?"

I don't say anything because it's only a matter of seconds until we're pulling into my driveway. "I want to tell you something," I say. "Can we go to the back and talk?"

His usual collected demeanor evaporates and he appears nervous. I'm not used to it - seeing Nico nervous. It's a rarity.

"Why can't you say what you wanna say to me here?"

I don't respond to his question. Instead, I open the door and make my way to the backyard. I know it's only a matter of seconds until Nico follows me.

I take a seat at the wooden circular table, and hear Nico's steps.

"I don't want to sit, Bella," he states, and his tone sounds jumpy, anxious.

"Remember that time your parents were away and you threw that wild party at your house? Your mom specifically told you not to have people over, but you did anyways." Nico doesn't say anything, but the faint smile on his face tells me that he remembers perfectly. "And Brooks got so drunk that he knocked your mom's vase to the floor? The vase that belonged to your grandma."

"To this day, my mom still doesn't know what happened," Nico says. "We did such a shitty job fixing it, but it didn't even matter. We got away with it."

"We didn't get away with it...and she did know."

Bella, Age 14 / Nico, Age 16

"Brooks, you fucking idiot," Nico says as he balls Brooks' button-down shirt in his fists. I know that Nico doesn't mean it. He's just mad because he's going to get into so much trouble from his parents. Besides the fact that he's not supposed to be throwing a party with them vacationing in a different country, Brooks' just destroyed Nico's mom's most prized possession: a delicate glass vase that was passed down to her from Nico's grandma.