To My Youth [BL]

[34] The Footsteps That Were Left Behind at the Shore (1/2)

The weekends soon came. Gu Xiao sluggishly rubbed his eyes. 

None of this was a dream. 

The noisy clamor of cicadas woke him up from his painful rest, and before he knew it, the sun was already shining and the Saturday came. 

To say he even slept at all would be pushing it. He couldn't sleep at all. It was a long, sleepless night. There were probably thirty minutes where he could fall into a deep slumber around three in the morning. 

Still, his mind constantly shocked him awake after a stream of disconnected dreams, and an intense anxiousness swallowed his heart. 

Every time he rested his eyes, and his body would gradually fall into rest, his mind would shock him awake as though it were giving a warning. Warning him that he would never be able to wake up if he was to sleep. 

It had not been like that in a long time, but it appeared his poor sleeping habits were reoccurring once again.

His body had only felt heavier than before, or it might have been the extra layers of blankets toppling over him. He took a deep breath and left his bed.

The moment he trudged outside, he saw an unfamiliar woman with slightly curled hair, carrying plates. 

Gu Heiyu stood in the kitchen, and his father was sitting down. When they all noticed Gu Xiao come out, their gaze dragged themselves towards the boy with dishevelled hair.

"Gu Xiao, you're finally awake?" their father uttered.

He let out a quiet, "Huh?" and glanced at the crooked clock before widening his eyes. Those numbers displayed on the clock forced him to rub his eyes a few times to confirm he wasn't dreaming.

"It's two? Why didn't you wake me up?!"

She threw a spoon at him and scolded, "Me? Why are you blaming me? Am I your alarm clock?"

"You must be Gu Xiao?" the woman smiled.

"Yes," he bowed, still scratching his head in confusion.

Gu Heiyu threw another spoon at him, and he flinched.

"What are you still doing there standing? Go wash your face."

✎✎✎

When he finished brushing his hair and teeth, getting dressed into something more decent, they all sat down at the table. The two siblings kept peering at each other while eating diligently. 

Looking at Luo, she had long natural black hair, slightly curled towards the tips, and minimal makeup. 

She was always smiling gently, and each time the corner of her lips raised, wrinkles formed at the corner of her eyes. 

Even their father, who always seemed to attract this melancholic and desolate aura constantly, looked happy that all these dull colours washed away with the breeze.

"I'm so sorry for barging in like that yesterday," Luo apologised, with utter guilt riddling her eyes.

"No, it's alright," Gu Heiyu said, unsure of what to feel.

"It's nice to meet you, Gu Xiao," she said. "I apologise for meeting you both so suddenly."

He nodded in silence, unsure of what to say.

"Do we have any sauce for this?" Gu Heiyu asked.

"I'll go make some," he responded and stood up.

"I'll go help you," Luo added, and followed Gu Xiao.

They headed to the kitchen and took out the oils and condiments to make the sauce. While mixing them, Gu Xiao kept peeking at the woman beside him.

"Auntie."

"Yes!" she beamed.

Taken aback by her bright energy, he leaned back a bit from surprise. He could discern that she didn't hold any ill intentions, but he couldn't shake off his worry.

"...Why do you like dad?"

She continued mixing the oils and sauces before letting out a brighter smile. "I cannot just pick what parts of him I like. But I guess he pulled me out during my darkest times... And he just became someone who I wished I could spend my life would."

"It must seem strange for you two to see grown adults like this," she awkwardly laughed.

And Gu Xiao couldn't deny that it wasn't strange. Both of them were divorced. They once married someone else, thinking they would spend their lives together forever, but the love they had didn't last. 

Did they know their love would end? He kept telling himself there was no point in being pessimistic. 

Love was a funny thing. A funny concept. He had practically tasted the torture and misery of this broken detachment between himself and his family, so would it hurt to risk it all for the sake of their father? 

He kept telling himself that he had nothing to lose anymore except for maybe a few things. He wanted their father to be happy, and his father indeed appeared bright every time he mentioned this woman. 

When he saw the light in their father's eyes, which he thought had extinguished a long time ago, he wanted the light to continue growing. 

He wanted their father to smile once again without any burden. Yet, what about himself? In the end, he always put others a step before him like always. 

If he had to leave this place, leave the people he had met behind, he felt like he was going to travel back down to the same dark place he was in.

Gu Xiao gazed at the condiments before him as he sunk into a distinct blankness. 

Miss Luo must've been so afraid of being subjected to their disapproval and hate, but the truth was, the two siblings couldn't dislike her. 

Rather, Gu Xiao found it hard to hate people. Instead, he had only ever felt disappointment.

"But I don't just desire for my happiness. I hope you and Gu Heiyu are happy too. So, if you are uncomfortable with me, please say so. I will not force anything upon you two."

Gu Xiao nodded and let out a short "Oh," and the two came back to the table.

She looked at Gu Xiao and gleamed, "I actually have a son around your age."

Gu Heiyu spat out her water. "What the fu— I mean. Does that mean we'll have a stepbrother?"

They were unsure of what to feel. Displeasure or delight. Looking back on their past, it was never a pleasant experience. 

When they first met their mother's husband, Gu Xiao knew there was something strange about that man, despite Gu Heiyu being earlier in her judgement. 

However, Luo didn't seem to be hiding anything, though it might've been too early to decide on her true nature. 

Her smile and tone of voice were sweet; it was so pure and innocent that it forced this guilt to relapse onto the two.

"But he's still in his second year of high school," she said and fed their father a dumpling. Then, their father also fed Miss Luo a dumpling, and the two smiled at each other.

This sweet exchange made both Gu Heiyu and Gu Xiao pull their lips in disgust and just couldn't watch their dad suddenly act so romantically.

"Will we need to see this every day?" Gu Heiyu whispered.

"Probably."

"I don't think my eyes can handle it."

The two aggressively shoved all the foods on the dishes in their mouths while the two adults continued showing off their affection.