To My Youth [BL]

[26] Confirmation (2/2)

"Heart disease, my ass. You're the one who is lactose intolerant, but keep drinking milk with everything you eat."

Gu Heiyu gaped at his words and kept opening and closing her mouth, trying to find sentences to retaliate with, but she couldn't.

"Well, this is your first time saying this."

"Is it strange?" he asked.

"No, it's not. I just didn't think you could ever like someone judging by your notorious dating history. What comes to your mind when you think about him?"

Ignoring her previous words, he mumbled, "When I think about him..."

During class today when Lan Yuning asked him whether he spoke that way to everyone, he wanted to deny it, but no words left his mouth then.

He wouldn't exactly say 'I want to be with you' or 'you are really cute' to his friends, because those thoughts never popped into his head when he hung out with them.

The image of that earnest boy sitting next to him in the classroom, while the setting sunlight filtered through the windows, rose in his mind.

Watching him write, stealing brief glances, listening to him talk, the way his face flushes red easily, his silence, his occasional childish acts, Gu Xiao liked it all.

He simply enjoyed being with him. He liked having Lan Yuning next to him. It was something so simple, yet he couldn't explain his feelings into words at all.

"Earth to Gu Xiao? Why are you smiling like that? I'm worried for Lan Yuning."

Gu Xiao snapped back to his senses and asked, "Why are you worried about him?"

"He seems way better than your exes. I even think he's a bit too good for you. Even though your exes were slightly questionable, it was sad watching you treat them like that. It wasn't exactly bad, but it never seemed like you were ever dating, you know? Maybe you were just inexperienced, but do you really not know why they broke up with you?"

"Not really."

"Look, compare your feelings for Lan Yuning to your exes. Have you ever had these feelings?"

He dug through his memories and pondered for a moment before shaking his head slowly.

"I couldn't even tell the difference between them and Zhang Yongyin."

Gu Xiao, who was blinking in confusion and shock, tried to dig through his train of memories from embarrassment.

"How am I still alive?"

Now that he placed focus on this topic, he didn't care about romantic companionship. In the past, when people confessed to him, he would always reject them. After all, he barely talked to most of them, or maybe he did.

He couldn't remember since he spoke to everyone. They continued to ask him to give them chances and fall for them after a certain number of dates, so he just accepted their confession nonchalantly.

It always ended up the same.

When they realised he didn't exactly live up to the expectation of a 'loving' partner, they broke up with him, and all of them only lasted for a week or two. Possibly even less.

Yet, everyone was relatively immature during that time, so he had forgotten most of it already, especially with everything that came to him later on.

She pointed to him and gushed, "You had absolutely zero. None. Nothing. Completely no attraction. Towards them. At all. So, I never understood why you would agree. They probably saw you as an easy person."

After carefully thinking without missing any details, the first time he ever felt his heart flutter was because of him.

By him, he meant Lan Yuning.

When he simply thought about him, the corner of his lips raised.

"How gross. Look at the way you're smiling," she sighed. "Your love life, not mine. If you're still confused about whether you like Lan Yuning, just imagine him being with someone else. Imagine him dating someone else or showing affection to someone else. Holding hands, eating together, texting, or whatever couples do. Imagine it and see how you feel."

The feelings of wanting to hold and embrace Lan Yuning always took over his desires, but he was glad he distracted his mind by chanting the national anthem in his head.

Even if Lan Yuning wasn't speaking, something about being with him made him let go of all his constraints and cautiousness.

It was the first time he felt like this about anyone that he was unsure of what to think or do.

All these emotions were so foreign to him that he had nothing to rely on or refer to besides the internet, which wasn't a good choice.

"If someone else was with him..."

Gu Xiao flung his body back fully onto the couch, staring at the fan that creaks with each spin. He reached for his pockets and pulled out the small candy he gave him.

Upon remembering that moment in the classroom when Lan Yuning brushed his cold fingers against his hair, he couldn't stop his heart from melting.

He touched his cheeks and forehead, and despite the chilly air, his entire body was burning from the faintest touch and the soft voice of that boy.

"I don't think I will like it."

✎✎✎

After lying on the couch like some dead fish while thinking about everything, Gu Xiao was confident in his feelings. He liked him. He really liked him.

Immediately, he pulled out his phone and called Zhang Yongyin, who picked up after the third ring.

"What? Can you buy me a skin gift pack in Honour of Kings?"

"I like Lan Yuning."

Coughing and choking sounded from Zhang Yongyin's side of the phone, and this lasted for about five minutes until Gu Xiao told him to shut up.

"What? Romantically or platonically?"

"Romantically. Also, I met He Rong recently too."

Zhang Yongyin started choking on his food again. "What?!"