Chasing Shadows | ✓

Epilogue

FUNERALS WERE STRANGE.

I had never understand why a bunch of people who didn't even know you, came, and pretended they were crying. I knew for my funeral, I didn't want my neighbors daughter's cousin coming and saying I was 'the best person he knew.' It was pointless and I knew most of these people just came for the show. Looking around, the funeral was all black clothes and pale faces, every one of them with puffed red eyes.

I watched as Mary clung to one of the children's arms, clutching one of the side of the casket, crying. Her heavy body heaved up and down, loud, pained cries escaping her. I remembered Natalia saying she and Mary were close; seeing her as one of her own. The girl beside her, gently placed a hand on her back, attempting to comfort her.

The rain pelted down heavily, reflecting the mood I was feeling. I stood farther away from everyone else, watching from afar. I wasn't crying, even though the pain I was feeling inside made me want to. I just stood blankly, staring, wondering if there was anything I could have done that would have changed this outcome. I tried to swallow the guilt I was feeling, but it almost seemed impossible.

The cold wind blew and I shivered, wrapping my coat around me tighter. I watched as they began lowering the casket into the ground. Her picture was still there, a mischievous glint to her eyes that seemed to reflect the corners of her mouth, which were fighting a smile.

She was always smiling.

Natalia Winters was an incredible person, and I regretted every second I didn't get to spend with her. I regretted not coming to help her sooner. It was in moments like these where you really didn't know what you had until it was gone.

And she was gone.

The fire had burned her to crisp, leaving near to nothing behind of her. It hadn't even registered in my mind what had happened. . . Everything was a blur, but all I remembered was me getting out, only to leave her to burn in the car.

The car suddenly spun out of control in the direction of the speeding car.

I squeezed my eyes shut, hearing her horrifying screams echo inside my head. The immense guilt that weighed on my chest was indescribable. Had I acted faster, helped her first. . . Maybe I wouldn't be here today. Every night since the accident, I struggled to breathe; my breath was so short, like my muscles were ready to give up the fight. The darkness closed in around me once more, and all I could do is hang on until the dawn, praying that everything was a nightmare. The days dragged on, at an agonizingly slow pace, wanting and needing to cry, but feeling nauseated by the thought.

I failed her. And there was nothing that felt worse than knowing I could have saved her, but didn't. Now, here I was, my hood pulled over my face to hide the scars, feeling more alone than I ever had in my life. I had never felt so lost. She had been the one I could always rely on, no matter how badly I thought I fucked up. She was the one who understood the true worth of a hug and a kind word.

Scarlet blood oozed out from a large gash in the side of her head. Her mangled lip and broken nose were gushing blood.

In the space that should have been filled with her love, there was now a void so black, no light seemed to be able to penetrate; a wound that would never heal, no matter how much salve was poured over it.

The biting cold chilled my fingers into numbness, seeping into my toes and spread almost painfully throughout my feet. My teeth chattered when a sharp breeze blew through the darkening sky, the wind poking me like icy daggers.

I waited, slinking in the shadows, until everyone had left, before I dug up the courage to go over. My hands were violently trembling, and I couldn't tell if it was from the cold or fear anymore.