Chasing Shadows | ✓

Chapter Thirteen

WHY WAS I HERE?

I didn't want to be, but there was something that was keeping my feet rooted to the ground. Even students passing by were shooting me strange glances, almost wanting but not daring to ask, what was he doing?

If only I had the answer. I didn't know what I was doing, but the guilt and shame was suffocating me, and I couldn't bear it anymore.

And so, the next day, I found myself waiting for Natalia in front of her locker with a sickeningly bright pink bag in my hands. You couldn't miss it even if you tried. I had asked if they had any other coloured bags, because walking around with a fluffy, almost neon pink bag, was not something I particularly wanted to do on a Friday morning, but to my disappointment, they didn't.

All the reasons not to do this crossed my brain, flooding my body as I felt the soft panic wash over me. I bit down on the inside of my mouth, the small wound reopening. Metallic, bitter tasting blood took over my senses, but I continued gnawing away. I scuffed the soles of my shoes together, feeling more anxious with each passing second. I knew she wasn't known for being early, in fact, most of the time she would barge into class, her hair flying everywhere as she rattled off some excuse.

"This is so stupid," I muttered under my breath. What was I even doing here? She was only just going to laugh in my face. I pushed myself away from her locker, but just as I turned to leave, a small voice spoke up behind me.

"Trevor?"

I whipped around to see her, Natalia, standing with a perplexed expression. Why was it, even when she dressed so simply, in blue jeans and a form-fitting sweater, that she still managed to look. . .

Her gaze drifted down to the small paper bag in my hands, and even she couldn't stop the brief smile that tugged on her lips.

"What are you doing?" she asked with a small frown, "In front of my locker?"

"I - um. . ." I scratched the back of my neck, averting my eyes, "I wanted to um. . ."

I struggled to get a single sentence out, my words jumbling into one another. Why couldn't I just say what I wanted to? Why was I making myself look like a fool in front of her?

Natalia cocked her head to the side while she watched me stumble and stutter, "What's with the bag?" she hesitated, "I could see it from a mile away."

"This?" I muttered, shoving it behind my back, "Oh, it's nothing."

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Nothing? Really?"

"It's just. . . some school stuff," I shrugged nonchalantly, "Nothing important."

But it was something. It was important to me, because for the first time in my life, I felt like someone's opinion of me mattered. I wanted her to look at me and not see the person I had become, but the one I could be. I didn't want to see the same disgust, hatred and disappointment in her eyes like I did with everyone else.

"Okay then. . ." she nodded slowly, "Well do you mind just moving out of the way? I need to get to my locker."

"Oh right. Sorry," I scrambled out of her way, muttering an apology under my breath. I didn't know if I was supposed to wait with her to walk to class together, or if she was still pissed at me and didn't want to be seen with me.

"Are you waiting for someone?" she raised a brow at me when I idly stood by.

My breath caught in my throat, "W-What?"

"Are you waiting for someone?" she repeated, looking around, "Is that why you're still here?"

My heart dropped in my chest, like a tonne of bricks. I blinked at her, my mouth working soundlessly. When she turned to walk away, my hand shot out, curling around her upper arm. Surprised, she snatched it out of my grip, looking up at me with wide eyes.