Chasing Shadows | ✓

Chapter Thirty-Three

"ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?"

I glanced over at the white door, that stood almost intimidatingly across from me. Nerves were running through my body, small tremors in my hands and legs. The idea of ever going to therapy was not something I had ever imagined of doing. Maybe it was the fear of being judged or the fact that I thought it would make me feel weak and insecure.

Natalia stood by my side, that proud smile still etched on her face. But instead of feeling uncomfortable, I now felt happy that I had finally made someone proud of me. And I knew, the longer I stared at her, that she was the one whose hand I wanted to hold. I wanted to be the one to laugh at her jokes, to walk by her side.

Because in her eyes, was the home I had spent so many years looking for.

"I'll be out here the entire time, so if you feel uncomfortable at any time, you can leave," Natalia promised.

When she smiled at me, I felt invisible hands wrapping around me making me feel safe. When her warm eyes locked on mine, it was like I could see galaxies instead of just pupils. Having Natalia in my life gave me courage, making me feel like everything was possible in the world, like I could conquer anything.

I swallowed the lump in my throat when I looked at her, and my lips quirked up at their corners, "Thank you."

I knew by the way her eyes crinkled at their corners that it wasn't just that I was saying thank you for. Nodding in understanding, she gave me a soft pat on the shoulders, "Now, come on. Don't keep him waiting."

I sucked in a sharp breath, calming my nerves, "Okay, okay. I'm going in."

With a shaky hand, I pulled the door open, stepping in. Natalia's grinning, encouraging face was the last thing I saw before I it shut behind me. My legs felt jittery as I walked in.

The first thing I noticed was the red tufts of hair on the therapist. He had the face of some guy you'd ask for directions in the street, non-threatening. He sat behind his dark, mahogany desk, his pen poised and ready in his hand. His eyes were a sparkling blue; open and inviting. He stood up from his seat, extending his hand towards me.

"I'm Doctor Matthew, but you can just call me Matt," his voice was smooth and deep. He smiled at me, like he had known me for years and shook my hand warmly with the perfect squeeze and eye contact, "You're Trevor, yes?"

"Uh, yeah," I mumbled, "I'm Trevor."

He nodded, sitting back down. He scribbled a few things down with his pen, while he gestured for me to take a seat, "So today is your first session, yes?"

I gave a nervous nod of my head, pulling at the corners of my sleeves.

Doctor Matthew smiled warmly, "Right, well I'm just going to take this time to get to know you a little bit. Is that alright with you, Trevor?"

"That's fine," I murmured. I weaved my fingers in and out of each other, but froze when he noticed.

"Now, if it's alright with you, I'm going to ask you some questions and take notes about what you say so I can keep it fresh in my mind. If in any way, you're uncomfortable with any of the questions I ask, let me know," he added, "And if you have any questions for me, please, feel free to ask away."

"Okay, sure," I said, unsure of what else to say.

Doctor Matthew leaned back in his head, tilting his head to the side for a moment before asking, "So, Trevor. What brings you here today?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but snapped it shut when nothing came out. What brought me here today? I guess I had finally realized that admitting that I needed help wasn't a sign of weakness. I used to think that I was strong enough to carry the weight of my problems all by myself.