Axel

Chapter 70

"Oh," he whispers.

"Yeah, so can we sit?" She asks after taking in a breath.

"Yeah, um do you want to sit on the couch?" I say looking at her hazel eyes that I must admit, I missed a lot.

"Actually, do you mind sitting on the floor?" She says, softly biting her lip.

"Yeah, sure," I say as we move further into my flat, sitting down with our backs leaning on the sofa.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch that day, I was just upset at you but mostly at myself for the way I went about things. I realize that I was being a massive hypocrite and a liar to myself, to Carter, to you. I was a coward keeping Carter by my side as a safety net if something went wrong between whatever we had. I mean hell, I was teaching you about relationships while I was ruining mine."

"I wasn't listening to my own advice, my own words that were leaving out of my mouth, how stupid could I be?" She says, letting out a sigh and tilting her head back.

"Sometimes I look back at certain behaviours and it makes me question myself. Is this really who I am? Is it this type of girl that I want to be? I realize that I have a lot of things to work on as well. I haven't figured out who I want to be or who I am at the moment. I'm still figuring things out, I'm still learning myself and shaping myself as time goes on and I grow older."

"You know, one thing is for sure though, I've been thinking about you a lot during these months. I've tried really hard to push you at the back of my mind and focus on my assignment but then I realise that I was probably just doing that to avoid accountability, cause I knew I was in the wrong in a lot of things."

"We both hurt each other without needing to..." I say, looking at her shaking her head before moving closer to me.

"When everything went down it felt like life just slap me in the face and then raise her middle finger at me, mouthing it's what you deserve and she was right."

"You know I think I even owe a thank you to Aiden for calling me out on my shit," she says, making me chuckle whilst shaking my head, oh he would love that.

"We both though needed this time away from each other. I don't regret not giving us a chance immediately after you apologize. I, later on, realize that it was for the best," she says.

"Yeah," I whisper.

"We both had the chance to focus on uni and you had the opportunity to bond with Rebecca. I also wanted to clear things up with Carter and maybe jumping into a relationship with you wouldn't have been the best, " she says, licking her lips afterwards.

I don't say anything at all not wanting to interrupt her. I'm listening to everything she says as if my life hangs on every word that comes out of her lips. Her soft green eyes meeting my dark blue ones. Like a turtle in the sea or flowers underwater.

We're so different personality-wise and history-wise but I think we share more similarities than we thought. We balance each other out. She is the sand to my water, she keeps me grounded. We both overthink a lot sometimes, we're both stubborn, we share the same type of humour, we both like cooking, we like the intimacy between us.

At the same time though, I let emotion get the best of me sometimes and open my mouth without thinking. I have trust issues and hold back from fully indulging in things that I want. I'm impulsive and used to drown my sorrow in alcohol. I have some anger issues that I'm finally working out. She is the type of person that always tries to see the good in people, always wanting to find a middle ground solution so nobody gets hurt.

"Theirs one thing only that is holding me back now and that's if I can trust you or not. How can I trust that when we're having an argument or fight or when things become more challenging, when theirs going to be more pressure, how can I trust you not running away? How can I trust that you won't give up in those times?" I place my palms on her cheeks grasping them softly and bring my face closer to hers so we're nose to nose, eyes to eyes.