Axel

Chapter 59

The darkness surrounds me as I find myself at 4:12 am unable to go back to sleep. I got only 2 hours of sleep before just laying here and staring at nothing in particular. Mia sleeps peacefully beside me her back to me with her head shoved in the pillow and her hands under her chin. An idea pops in my mind something that I always used to do when I couldn't sleep. I check my phone to see what time the sun will be rising today. Great in only an hour and a half!

I gently brush Mia's hair out of her face and behind her ear before giving her shoulder a gentle shake.

"Mia babe, wake up, " I whisper in her ear before taking her earlobe between my teeth and tucking at it. At the same time, I run my hand under her shirt she was wearing and pinch her nipple hard.

She swaps my hand away from her boob and groans in the pillow.

"What the fuck do you want Axel? I can sense it's still dark outside and I'm too sore, " her voice muffled by the pillow.

"I don't want to have another round of sex with you tonight babe. I just want to show you something, please " I chuckle in her neck where I rest my head.

"Fine, " she says and stands up quickly straggling to keep her eyes fully open. She rubs her eyes and runs a hand through her hair.

"What did you want to show me at..." she grabs her phone and winces at the bright screen, "4 in the morning are you nuts mate?"

"Wow hey! Don't friendzone me now babe!"

I grab her phone leaving it on the bed somewhere before pulling her up with me. I grab two blankets and tell her to put shoes on and thankfully she does so without anymore questioning.

Grabbing her hand in mine again I take a hold of my keys and shove them in the pocket of my sweatpants. I had quickly got dressed as Mia was putting on her shoes. I lead us up to the roof of my apartment building.

"It's cold out here why did we have to leave the warm bed for this?" Mia whines and wraps her hand around herself.

I wrap one blanket around her and the other around me as we sit down and wait for the sun to rise. She lays her head on my shoulder holding tightly the blanket around her.

"One of the things I remember vividly from when I was a kid was that I always found my escape on the roof. Whenever my foster parents were fighting and yelling at each other I would climb out my window and up on the roof. I used to just sit there for hours. The slight cold breeze and the only sound being the crickets, it was my place of peace. Sometimes I would go up there when I wasn't able to sleep either or after a beating praying that something will magically happen and my misery will be over. It eventually came later rather than never not in the way I was excepting, to be honest with you."

I keep my voice at a quite soft tone. I feel Mia staring into the night sky mentally taking in everything that I was telling her. She wraps one hand around my arm and held it tightly to her as a sign of comfort. I turn my head slightly to the side kissing her head my gaze never moving away from the dark blue sky.

"Did you though that your escape would have been...death?"

She struggles to let the last word come out of her mouth as if too afraid to ask a question that she already knows the answer to. It's always more hurtful when the other person answers out loud confirming it.

"Yeah, that's the form of escape I was expecting."

I let my hand rest on her knee giving it a squeeze.

"By them or you?"

Her voice shakes when she speaks.

"Both but..." I leave my thoughts trailing without voicing them.

"I saw the little scars on your arms. I didn't want to ask you back then not wanting to push you too far. If you're willing to talk about them though, I'm here."

She kisses my shoulder.

I let a couple of minutes pass by debating how to word things but then I realize there is no right way to word something like this.

"I used to self-harm... and as a way to take the pain of something else away and as a way of hoping that one day I won't have any more blood to shed. It had the ability to drift my mind somewhere else. It made me forget for a few minutes the pain of the burned cigarette on my arm or the strong kick in my ribs or the pain of the cold metal of the belt he used to whip me with. The pain of the cuts I was making was peaceful in comparison with the other pains inflicted by them. I used a small kitchen knife that I found one day when I was told to do the dishes. I hid it in my pocket and then put it inside the pillowcase of my pillow. They never notice them because they didn't care at all about me. Their actions were a clear indication of that, " my eyes water thinking about the darkest moments in my life that no one should go through, ever.

"You don't cut anymore do you?"

"No, I don't. I stopped when I became good friends with the boys. I was around 14 when I fully stopped. I guess the boys gave me the strength to keep on living. They were there for me whenever I needed them. It was the first time I felt like I had someone that truly cared about me. I didn't want to harm them by continue doing so. I was out of that horrible household that scar my whole childhood so deeply anyway. I wanted to move on. I'm not in that dark place I was mentally back then when I was 8 years old. I'm way better now, " I say, a small genuine smile taking over my face as I turn to look at her.

Her glossy eyes staring back me as the sun starts shining at the side of her face making her eyes look like a crystal clear lake. I caress her cheek and lean down to kiss her slowly and deeply.

The sun rising and shining its warmth on us, this has to be my favourite time on the roof.

A/N

Hey guys!

I hope you're all doing well!

Please if you're going through some stuff talk to someone.

If you don't have anyone to talk to, feel free to private message me and I'll be more than happy to help you as much as I can.

National Suicide prevention lifeline:

1-800-273-8255

Feel free to comment & vote! ❤️

New chapter coming out tomorrow.

Have a nice day/night! Xx

All the love - M ❤️