nothing without you

43-Falling Apart

A/N: there will be a trigger warning in this chapter so just skip when I warn you if this is something that will trigger you.
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It's been almost a month since me and the lovely Ashton Rivera started dating. The school dance was soon and we were, obviously going together. Leila and Aiden were also going together, what a cute couple.

My friend group decide to shop for it together.

We arrive at the mall and I decide to go into gap first because I want to get a zip up sweatshirt since I stained my old one. I force Ashton and Kailey to join me of course.

Jay and Aiden are getting suits together and Leila is getting us drinks and then was going to meet us at gap.

Kai had to babysit his little brother so he couldn't come.

I'm trying on the sweatshirt and am about to check when the one thing happens that I never thought would. The one thing that will completely and utterly ruin my happiness.

T/W: RAPE, TRAUMA, PANIC ATTACKS

There he was, the guy who had shattered me into a million pieces. Next to me is the guy who glued me back together. But no glue is permanent.

I feel like I've just been stabbed as I watch my rapist walk into gap.

The trauma I thought had closed up long ago tearing open all at once. The scars from last December ripping open, leaving me on the floor in a puddle of blood.

The open wounds being flooded with the poisonous memories, infect every part of me until I'm left with nothing but a shattered and broken body.

My head is swimming with everything I've held myself back from thinking about and I can't deal with it. I collapse, unable to hold myself up.

I can sense people around me but I don't care. I can't bring myself to face any sort of real life right now. I can't bring myself to anything but lay in pain.

I don't even know what I'm saying as I get flashbacks so intense they feel like they're the only thing in the world.

I scream and yell at him to stop but he doesn't listen. I tell him no but he doesn't listen.

And then I'm shocked.

Electricity pumps to my heart and my eyes shoot open as I see a persons face over mine. I feel the tears streaming down my face and I can't stop them.

My entire body is shaking, not used to the weird feeling coursing through it.

I feel the hard floor underneath me and the loud voices around me but all I can do is stare into this woman's face who is putting an IV into my arm.

The yelling is coming into focus and I hear the woman say:

"She's alive! Maybe some familiar faces over here!" Immediately footsteps rush over and my dads face is here. Then comes my brother. And my boyfriend. And my best friend. Everyone is crying and I can't help but wonder why. Why are they crying over me? It's not like this is new trauma. There's no point of them crying now, it won't help me at this point.

"Liv?" My dad says, his voice breaking. I feel him squeeze my hand and I think I manage to whisper dad because he starts crying more. If that's even possible.

He kisses my hand and I flinch away. The doctor woman keeps shuffling around me checking my pulse and all that.

"I'm going to try and have you sit up, ok?" The doctor woman says. I nod and she takes my hand pulling my into a sitting position. I bring my hand to my head as I get lightheaded but I'm determined to stay conscious.

"Can you tell me what happened?" I feel the eyes of the many people surrounding me. The people who love me. The pressure of deserving that love has never been this stressful.

"I—I mean.." I look around the store to see that the doors have been closed off and all of the customers are gone. He's gone.

But I'm done with keeping this secret. He deserves to go to jail for the things he did. If I never tell anyone then he will continue doing what he did to me, to other girls. I need to stand up for myself no matter how hard.

"The guy, he was in here, he had blonde hair and was in this store.." I trail off, my voice a whisper, I can't tell everyone in this way. "Um can I talk to you alone?" I aim the question at the woman.

"Of course, let's go to the back room." I try not to look at everyone but one glance at Aiden's betrayed face makes my head hurt.

"What happened with the guy? Do you know where he is?" I shake my head.

"I assume he left with all the other people in this store." I'm still whispering, not sure if I'm even able to use my full volume voice in the circumstances.

"Last December, I was at a party and I was drunk and he came up to me. I asked him where the bathroom is and he led me to this secluded part of the house and raped me." I can barely even hear my own voice over the pounding of my heart. I'm looking down into my lap, afraid what I'll see in her eyes.

"After that night, I began to feel uncomfortable with my body and thought that if I was skinnier it would fix everything. It didn't. I just got anorexia. I had depression and frequent panic attacks. I couldn't stop the flashbacks from returning as nightmares so I didn't sleep. All of this changed a few months ago when I met my boyfriend. I have been seeing a therapist recently and now my eating is better. I thought everything was better. But I guess your past always comes to haunt you..."

"Did you ever tell anyone?" Her voice is as quiet as mine.

I just shake my head.

I feel my mind wander back to that day, unable to help the darkness that overcomes my mind as my vision becomes dark and my body unconscious.
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A/N: I don't quite know what to say except for that I'm truly sorry if anyone has sealed with anything similar to Livia because that is truly the most awful thing.

This book is just going to get sadder for a few chapters until it gets a bit happier again but I have been planning this scene from the start of this whole book.

kisses 💋
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