nothing without you

33-Waterworks

I had been thinking about what I told Aiden.

How I had the decency to not string someone along. I was thinking about how I needed to have the decency to not string Ashton along as much as I wanted to because I did like him. There I admitted it, I like him.

You can't blame me!

I didn't want to string him along but all I wanted to do was spend time with him every day.

I realized that the only way to stop stringing him along is to simply end it once and for all. I know that sounds dramatic but I'm an all or nothing person and this isn't an exception. I can't continue slowly hurting him, I just want to not have to worry about being selfish anymore.

The only way to do that is to end this, to end everything and that's what I'm on my way to do.

I texted Ashton that I'm coming over and he said to text me when I'm there.

I send him a quick text telling him I'm here, take a deep breath and get out of my car. I see his front door open and he waves me over.

This is going to be shitty.

I walk inside.

"We need to talk." I state.

"About..?"

"Us. Or the nonexistent us. I'm just going to be blunt because thats the only thing I know how to do. I don't like you in that way. I never will. I see you as a friend and that's great because you are a really great friend but whatever you think is going on between us isn't happening on my side." I want to deny everything that's happened between us and I do just that. I'm an expert at holding back tears so this should be easy for me.

"Um." His stoic face is almost making me regret saying this all but I know this is best for both of us. "Ok. Is that all you came here for?"

I see him close the shutters. Not literally. He's shutting me out mentally. He's shutting me out of his life and emotions. I knew this was going to happen. I know he rarely lets someone see through the shutters and that he let me. It would be better if he was mad. Then I could at least see what he was feeling.

"Yeah I guess so."

"Ok. You can leave now if that's all." I don't even question it as I exit the door, not letting the tears fall down until I was back at my house and safely in my room.

Once I was, the waterworks did not stop.
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A/N: honestly I'm kind of feeling burnt out from writing and like I'm overworking myself but I set a goal to get to 40 chapters before September and I intend to succeed with that even if it sucks for me. I know it's self sabotage but that's kinda what I do.

So anyways the chapters are probably going to be a little shorter now (I mean this one was abnormally short but they'll generally be like 800-900 words instead of 1000-1200 words).

I love you all.

kisses 💋
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