𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 - regulus black

chapter forty

After Regulus' departure for Hogwarts, Ariel felt once again lonely, with a void inside of him. Daisy tried to comfort him but she knew it was in vain. Her presence was very much necessary during that time and he was glad she could make him forget painful things.

One day as he was watching her working so hard, he suddenly let out these words, "Wow, I didn't know you were actually that smart."

The girl looked up and sent him a smirk. "Of course, what were you expecting."

"How many N.E.W.T.s did you get?"

"Eight. And seven Optimals. You?"

"Oh no, you don't want to hear about that," he laughed, going back to his notes.

"Yes I want! Which one did you fail?" she asked, knowing he failed something before he could even say it.

Ariel stared up curiously at her and then answered, "Arithmancy. And Astronomy."

"Both Arithmancy and Astronomy!" exclaimed Daisy, astounded. "How did that even happen!"

"Well, I came in late for the Astronomy exam so yeah, ended up missing most of it," he muttered with a sigh.

"Stupid of you."

"Indeed."

"But you didn't tell me. What were you expecting if not expecting me to be smart," she tried again, still smirking. She couldn't hide her curiosity though she knew perfectly well he didn't hold her in high esteem before.

"Well I honestly thought you were stupid and acted like a bitch," said the boy, shrugging, not even ashamed of this confession.

"Ariel!" exclaimed the girl half-shocked but still smiling.

"But I don't think that anymore!" he rejoined, hoping she wouldn't get angry at him.

"Well I can't blame you. I used to think you were a jerk playing with girls' hearts. And to be honest, I still think that way-"

"Hey! I'm more than that!"

"Well that's true. And you stopped doing that," she laughed. And he laughed with her.

Working alongside the girl managed to keep his mind busy. But sadly it was not enough. At the beginning of January he finally went out. It felt good and relaxing to be outside, somewhere that wasn't his balcony where he liked to smoke, but out in the nature, then out in the city when he apparated in London. It felt good to have the refreshing breeze caress his cheeks. That day he had decided to go out buy Regulus a present for his birthday before visiting his parents. He was glad he finally had one day of break. And it was the same for Daisy who took time to visit her parents as well.

The boy had only one wish and it was for Regulus to come back quickly. But then what, he thought. What would happen to them. They would most likely execute the plan they were currently making up. Ariel already knew this had more chances to end up in the worst way possible. Daisy wasn't stupid, he knew it now. He also knew she was well aware that it put them all three at risk and that it would without a doubt end tragically for the boys, but she tried to show positivity, no matter how delusional she could look. The blond boy thought it was her way to cope and deal with worrisome, anxiety and fear.

Ariel and Regulus talked for days and days about this plan and especially how it would end up. Regulus was resolved to die if it could bring the Dark Lord to his fall and if peace could come back to their world. Ariel was amazed by his bravery and wasn't even surprised. However he wasn't ready to see the boy he adored die. Even if it meant they would be dying together if this had to happen. Ariel didn't want to die. Life wasn't as displeasing anymore. And maybe it was so close to his end that he realized it. But it probably was too late. He should have become friends with Daisy Parkinson earlier, he should have opened up to his mother earlier, and he should have laughed more often with Ivanna Flint. And most importantly, he should have gone to Regulus long before. They would have enjoyed each other's company for a longer time and maybe their end would have been different. So obviously he had regrets.

When he told the younger boy through one of his many letters that he was willing to die with him, Regulus didn't believe him. Or didn't want to believe him. 'I can do this by myself, I do not wish to see you die in front of my eyes.' Ariel almost laughed at his stubbornness. 'You will close your eyes.' had he replied, perfectly knowing it would anger the other boy because of his light and joking words in such a dramatic situation. 

The decision was taken. The boys had made up their mind, even if they disagreed with each other, they would fight together and die together if it was their fate.

When Ariel told this to Daisy, stating that they were both sure of their choice, their want to go through this together, that they wouldn't give up even if it would lead to their deaths, the poor girl broke down in tears.

"I'm sorry. I won't let him do this alone. And we have more chances if we're together you know it..." he tried to say in a reassuring tone but he knew it was useless because nothing could soothe her sorrow.

"I know this. I also knew you would do this together but I don't want you to... die." Her voice cracked at the end and Ariel brought her into his arms, letting her sob weakly, clutching to him.

In the end, they had never become lovers, but they still loved each other. In just a few months, they had managed to build such a strong connection between them. They were close friends, very close friends. They went from nothing to sharing the same secret and then to the point of sharing everything. They laughed together and cried together. They lived together and showed each other much more than they had showed anyone and it was what united them.

The school year was coming to an end. Ariel couldn't wait to see Regulus again. Their letters had come to a stop when the younger boy started his exams since he didn't have much time to write and since it was a matter of a few days before they would meet again. Ariel decided to send him one last letter, just a few days before his departure. One of his numerous poems, one that he loved a lot and hoped it would please Regulus too.

'When I die I want your hands on my eyes:

I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands
to pass their freshness over me one more time
to feel the smoothness that changed my destiny.

I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,
I want for your ears to go on hearing the wind,
for you to smell the sea that we loved together
and for you to go on walking the sand where we walked.

I want for what I love to go on living
and as for you I loved you and sang you above everything,
for that, go on flowering, flowery one,

so that you reach all that my love orders for you,
so that my shadow passes through your hair,
so that they know by this the reason for my song.'

It was his last message, perhaps last wish to Regulus before dying even when he knew perfectly Regulus wouldn't make it true. No matter how ready he was to die with his lover, the blond boy still wanted him to live, to accomplish more than that, even if it was already great. He had told Narcissa once that he wanted to get close to him and be the first to witness what great things he was bound to do. What was about to happen could have been the beginning of everything he could have witnessed. It was only a start but he was already feeling proud of Regulus. Coming this far at such a young age, being so determined. Ariel looked so weak in comparison, but he would follow him no matter what. The urge to be close to him and protect him would never leave him, he knew it. And as he was so in love, he would follow him in death. He could have never wished of a better death, by the side of the one he loved, he simply hadn't expected this to come so fast.

author's note: the end is so close this is honestly saddening... i'm thinking about a date and a time to publish the last chapter...