The weight of leaving Bend, leaving Devin and Taylor weigh heavily on me and when we finally stop after four hours of driving in the Oregon darkness - at Steens Mountain - I'm the first one to rush off the bus.
The guilt crushes me and while everyone on the bus has questions, no one speaks and that only makes it worse.
It all spiraled out of control and in the end, being here, only made me feel as though I was falling apart. Looking over my shoulder as the expandable portions slide out to create room on an already large motorhome.
We were running from danger, and Devin and Taylor had been left behind. Coming with us had never been an option and Thaddeus and Harleigh had no indication why.
Hustling around the area we stopped those that do not have motorhomes and were following us in their cars, all head to my grandfather's. In turn, my sisters, Caterina and Paige exit and head over to our bus. When everyone has settled and everyone has a place to sleep for a few hours, grandpa Antone gives me a two finger wave, "Get some rest, we'll have breakfast at eight, and get on the road around nine, ten at the latest."
Nodding I take a moment, not wanting to face what I had for the last four hours again. Not ready for the animosity that Javier was expelling. He was in his right. It was eating me up, because in the tension all I continued thinking was how this had turned out and what it would look like when the truth came out.
And it would. Partially because I was ready to get it off my chest.
Yet I knew that in the end, while Javier will stay with Talia, I had lost a friend. I ran over different scenario's in my head and without being overly dramatic, the reactions that were coming would not be good.
Huffing I turn around and get on the bus, just climbing the stairs as all my older siblings, prepare for the short stop we had made.
"First Samson and Faith run off, then, we ditch Bend in the middle of the night." I go to the passenger side seat, but turn it to face my siblings. As Thaddeus holds Harleigh against him the two of them resting against the counter as the microwave works, I bite my lip to hold onto my sanity.
Jealousy rages inside me.
I handled it wrong, mistake after mistake.
It's a simple moment, but private all the same.
Too much has happened and I realize that should something happen to Devin and Taylor, it would be partly my fault.
"You don't get to cry or mope Brennan," Javier says sharply, and everyone seems to stop his or her movements. I swallow thickly, and nod. "Did you even ask for her to come?" Javier seeks, his voice quavering.
"I mean, I came willingly, and I've gathered that Talia," he looks at my sister, "that you've told your dad about the money that Taylor had. But Brennan, you've been with Devin for years and now all of a sudden you're done. But to leave her behind because you're done with her? Because she blabbed out something you were wrong to even tell her?"
Talia lifts a brow at me over Javier's shoulder.
Javier doubles down. "So did you even ask? Or was your breakup the final nail in her coffin?"
"I didn't break up with Devin because she blabbed something I told her," I say evenly, knowing that I was going to be the most hated person on this bus. "I broke up with her because she was being manipulated by Taylor, because-" Talia's mouth drops open, and her face clearly says, 'are you serious right now Brennan?'
I shift my gaze down to my feet for a brief moment, before I look up and my heart feels like it is in my stomach.
"Nine months ago," I start defeated, "Devin wanted to hack servers and instead of doing it with some other place where she could be caught and get in trouble, we used our private servers at the house."
I exhale shakily, gathering my self, "Once she did it, she was supposed to stop, but then we started hacking everyone's personal laptops," I glance not just at Javier but at my siblings. Shock flickers on their faces before it's replaced by disbelief and anger.
My chin wobbles, and my chest feels as though it's being crushed.
"She wasn't supposed to continue doing it once she had it mastered," Harleigh narrows her eyes at me, "Because stopping after she's done it is what is right?" she asks rhetorically.
Javier's frame shakes in place, anger rolling off of him.
"I thought she had stopped, but she asked me to speak with Samson. When I did, I hadn't known she was still hacking the computers but she did, and she overheard everything Samson and I spoke of. I never told her. She promised that she would stop hacking the computers but she did," Javier stands glaring at me as the tension in the room lessens but is replaced with fury.
"When I learned that Devin was going to hack the school files to get information on Faith, I went to dad, and told him everything. We hadn't meant to hurt a-anyone. But with Devin's hack, she left the server vulnerable and someone entered through the backdoor she created. For a few months since Devin hacked the server, many of the people dad has tried to help, they've either-"
"Were murdered or went missing!" Thaddeus exclaims.
I nod solemnly.
"Oh my, god, Brennan!" Harleigh mutters, and so I slip my gaze to Javier.
"So... you and Devin both hack the servers. You and her both left the servers vulnerable. You knew and helped to hack everyone's computers, yet you're standing here while she was left behind?" he grits, mouth clenched.
"So you hang her out to dry, and your dad forgives you but holds Devin full responsible!?" he shouts this time, "That's bullshit!" he roars, taking five fast steps towards me, until he's close enough to grant my face the pleasure of meeting his fist, repeatedly. Hurting inside already, I let him beat me without taking a single swing back.
