They Don't Know About Us

Chapter 44

"Nabusog ka ba?" Kai asked while she watched Sasha put away their food on the table.

"Sobra. Ikaw ba?" Sasha looked at her.

Kai smiled and nodded. "Yes, thank you." She looked at the expression on Sasha's face. It looked like it can't be painted. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"I'm sorry. Hindi ko na kasi alam—how—how to go about things now," Sasha frowned.

Kai tilted her head a little. "Gaya ng?" She could tell Sasha couldn't find the words to say what's on her mind without offending her. "'Lika nga dito. Ano bang bumabagabag sayo exaclty?" She lifted her hand in front of her like she was offering it to Sasha who she could tell was nervous around her. "Eto ba? Yung pagiging paralyzed ko ba yung nagpapa-uncomfortable sayo?"

Sasha's eyebrows met. "Kai, hindi naman sa ganun. Hindi ko lang alam kung pano ka tulungan ng hindi nag-o-overstep sa boundary mo. Gusto ko lang maging comfortable ka mag-ask sakin for help, but at the same time, ayokong iparamdam sayo na may nagbago na. Mas lalong ayoko namang iparamdam sayo na may mga bagay ka nang hindi nagagawa."

Kai motioned for Sasha to sit on the bed facing her. "All you have to do is ask, Sash. Gaya mo, I want you to be comfortable around me. Gusto ko din hindi ka matakot na tulungan ako and move around me without feeling like you're going to hurt me physically and emotionally. I trust you, Sash. I want you to trust yourself around me, too."

Sasha swallowed. "Pumalpak na kasi ako noon. Ayokong pumalpak ako ulit ngayon."

Kai shook her head. She held Sasha's face. "Papalpak ka lang if you give up on us at iwan moko ulit."

Sasha looked Kai in the eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Sash," Kai held her hand. "Success or failure, I want us to be there for each other. Ganun naman kasi talaga ang buhay, diba? Tanggap ko naman na hindi lahat magiging good day eh. Everything is a work in progress sa buhay ng bawat isa. Ang hinihiling ko lang naman sayo is to go on this journey with me ng hindi ako inaabandona ulit eh. I want to learn and grow and be better with you, for me, for you, for us."

Sasha took a deep breath and nodded. "Why are you like that?"

Kai chuckled a little. "Seryosong tanong ba yan?"

A tear finally escaped from Sasha's eyes.

"Huy," Kai frowned. "Bakit? Iyakin ka na ngayon ha," she teased her.

"I just feel so bad," Sasha sobbed quietly.

Kai frowned even more. "Hey, bakit? Naman toh eh," she held Sasha's face and made her look at her.

"Kasi pag tinitingnan kita, ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin yung pagmamahal mo like hindi ako nawala ng matagal. There's this—this overflowing love sayo and nagi-guilty ako lalo eh," Sasha inhaled to try and calm herself down.

"Is my love too much for you? Bawasan ko ba?" Kai looked Sasha in the eyes.

Sasha frowned in return. "Kai, of course not."

Kai smiled softly. "Good. Kasi wala rin akong balak bawasan even if I knew how."

Sasha leaned forward and held Kai in her arms. She thought the love this woman has for her is so overwhelming, she didn't think she deserved it. "I'm going to work on myself so I can be better for you, para masuklian ko man lang yung pagmamahal na meron ka para sakin."

Kai let go of the hug and looked her in the eyes. "All I want is for you to feel better about yourself. I want you to be at peace with yourself."

A little while later, Kai asked if she can use the bathroom.