They Don't Know About Us

Chapter 11

Sasha swallowed. Then she let go of Kai. She rubbed Kai's arms. She felt a little awkward. She didn't know how to react to what Kai had just told her. "Ikaw talaga. Masyado ka na talagang stressed sa trabaho mo. You need to relax. Okay? Masyado kang nag-iisip. Okay nako. Muntikan na kanina pero okay nako oh. Makulit na ulit ako," she tried to assure her. Kai wiped the tears from her eyes. What happened to Sasha was traumatizing for her. "You need to take better care of yourself, Sash. Sa tingin ko, you don't care if something bad happens to you. By the way you reacted kanina, parang okay lang whether or not you survived that. Hindi biro yung nangyari sayo kanina, Sash. You could have died. That could have been the end for you. You could have died right in front of me," she told her. She tried her hardest not to cry again. "Sorry," Sasha apologized. Then she swallowed. Kai looked at her with sad eyes, "People care a lot more about you than you think."

The next morning, Tonya stared at her caregiver who seemed to be lost in her own world. "Tough night?" She asked Sasha who was currently playing with her ramen noodles. Sasha forced a smile. "Di lang po nakatulog 'la," she confessed. "Aba at bakit naman?" Tonya had to ask. Sasha carefully placed the fork by the side of her plate. She didn't have an appetite at all. "Marami lang sigurong iniisip, lola," she admitted. "Like?" Tonya asked. Sasha loved how Tonya didn't care if she meddled into people's business. "Buhay buhay lang po, lola," she smiled. "Try me," Tonya challenged her. Sasha sighed. "Si lola talaga," she said. "Anong 'si lola talaga'. Try me. I'm old. I should know a lot about life, so go ahead, try me," Tonya tried to convince her. Sasha stared at her elderly patient. "Wala lang po, lola. Hindi lang po ako sanay," she finally let out. "Sanay sa? You need to give me more than that," Tonya requested. Sasha sighed again. "Sa buhay? I don't know," she threw her arms in front of her in surrender. "I'm confused," Tonya admitted. "Kayo po kasi eh, nagtanong pa po kayo," Sasha said. Tonya shook her head. "Saan ka ba kasi hindi sanay? Ang labo mong kausap eh," she told her. "Na mabuhay para sa iba?" Sasha came clean, but Tonya frowned even more. "I'm even more confused now," Tonya admitted this time. "Eh kasi naman lola, nagtatanong kayo pero yung kausap nyo hindi marunong mag-express ng sarili," Sasha confessed. "Why don't you give me a scenario that best describes your situation para mas maintindihan ko, or better yet, why don't you just tell me kung ano bang nangyari or whatever it is that's bothering you," Tonya suggested. Sasha swallowed. Then she played with her hands. Tonya reached out to her and held her hands. "You're nervous. I can tell," she pointed out. "Pano nyo po nasabi?" Sasha asked while she looked the elderly in the eyes. "You're fidgeting. You're uncomfortable," Tonya answered. Sasha looked down on her hands that were held by Tonya's fragile hands. "Hindi din po kasi ako sanay," she admitted. "There you go again. Sanay sa? What are we talking about this time?" Tonya asked. Sasha rested her back on her seat. "Di po ako sanay na tinatanong tungkol sa feelings ko. Di po ako sanay na pag-usapan yung nararamdaman ko at lalong hindi po ako sanay na may mga taong may pakialam sa mga nangyayari sakin," she finally told her.

Tonya nodded. Some things made sense to her now. "It's hard to express one's feelings lalo na pag katulad mo na hindi sanay. I think you're the type na tinatakbuhan ng marami. People talk to you about their feelings, but you don't get the chance to talk about yours. That or talagang hindi mo lang sinasabi yung nararamdaman mo because you choose to keep it to yourself," she guessed. "Eh yun na nga po lola eh. Hindi rin po ako yung tipong tinatakbuhan ng mga tao. Wala naman po kasi akong nakakausap na ka-age ko before si Kai eh. Usually mga pasyente ko yung kausap ko palagi. When I talk to the people sa agency, it's merely for work. I don't ever talk to anybody about my feelings, and I don't know that many people kaya wala din pong nagsasabi sakin ng mga nararamdaman nila. Mas mabuti pa nga po kung ganun eh, yung takbuhan ka ng mga tao. At least sanay ka nang makinig. You would think sanay ka na masyado kaya you would know what to say to them. Eh ako po hindi eh. Hindi po ako sanay na mag-express ng feelings ko at hindi rin po ako sanay kapag may nagsasabi sakin about sa nararamdaman nila. Hindi ko po alam pano mag-react. Hindi ko rin po alam kung anong sasabihin to make the other person feel better," Sasha explained. Tonya nodded. "Sometimes, you just got to be present," she advised. Sasha looked at her. "You don't need to react. You don't need to say anything. Sometimes, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and/or a hand to hold—yun lang sapat na," Tonya added. Sasha nodded. "Ang awkward lang po kasi minsan kaya gusto ko po mag-salita, but I don't know what to say para malaman ng kausap ko na nakikinig ako, na I feel for them, na andito lang ako," she explained again. "Like I said, minsan yung presence mo lang is enough. Through your gestures, a person can feel that you're paying attention, that you care, and that you love them," Tonya replied. Sasha looked at their hands again. Then a picture of Kai throwing herself at her to hug her after the whole ordeal last night lingered in her head. She thought Tonya was right, Kai's hug was enough to make her feel that she cared a lot about her.