Is It Ever Enough?

Chapter 63

The morning was usually Maya's favorite time of day. Maya's internal clock was something that she was grateful for. Up and at 'em before the rest of the world rose to its feet, with all of its demands and questions and feelings in her way. It was quiet in a way that allowed order in her thoughts, clarity in her heart.

This morning, however, sat heavily on Maya's mind, and rather than an opportunity for an early run before the weather turned sour, it provided a perfect breeding ground for her swirling thoughts. The early rays brought forth a sobering light that felt somber and heavy. Maya's head pounded from the emotional hangover. Both of them had said so few words the previous night, yet they had completely drank themselves stupid in each other's presence. The emotions were laid on thick as they embraced, coming undone and weaving into each other for the first time in months.

Carina's homecoming had jarred Maya into a state of self-doubt and fragility, unsure of how to tread in the coming days. Though it was not a torrid affair like she had hoped, undressing Carina, getting her to bed and tending to her emotional shock was so foreign to her. Maya felt like a beginner; relearning Carina's body and her needs without words was a task she lightly stepped around.

Maya was convinced that Carina loved her sleep more than the blonde herself, to be honest. Her cranky swats at Maya's futile attempts to wake her were more than enough to drive that theory home.

Being an early riser also afforded her the opportunity to slip back into bed and kiss along Carina's jaw until she groggily batted her away, trying to hit snooze on the blonde's nose, grumbling that she was sweaty and gross and disrupting her beauty rest, causing the both of them to often slip into a fit of giggles until Carina would shove Maya toward the bathroom and she would begrudgingly trot toward the kitchen to whip up hangover-healing French toast and espresso.

Maya smiled to herself at the memory, a twinge of wistfulness in her chest for days that had flown by so long ago. Her daydream would be lovely, if it were true at this moment, but it wasn't.

Yes, the sun was shining through the fir trees in a rare break from the clouds and into the bedroom, dancing across Carina's hair strewn all over the pillow.

Yes, Maya was awake and observing her figure lovingly.

But there was no sweetness to the air. The clouds were on the move, and an orange tinge to the skyline hinted warning of a thunderstorm. The prominence of Carina's pronounced ribs through her shirt and the shadow in the gaunt of her face felt like a white-hot branding iron, searing her skin with the mark of guilt, marking her forever with

You caused this

There were no promises of french toast and lazy mornings spent in sweatpants. Maya was not covered in sweat from her morning run, and Carina had not had an evening full of beauty sleep.

Maya plunks down in the chair by the fireplace, huffing slightly as her gaze returns to the figure in the bed, straining her eyes to watch her chest rise and fall, the pace slow and steady.

Her brow was knitted tight with concern and worry. She was usually thankful for her internal alarm, but today, there was no need. Maya hadn't fallen asleep.