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Curiosity. Shame. Anger. Lust.
What I was feeling was a mixture of all these emotions. My thoughts were all in a jumble. I was trying hard to understand what happened between us last night.
I am an adult woman. I have never been sexually touched by a man. I was sexually aroused last night in the library and it is completely normal. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Every woman goes through that phase. It happens in their early teens. Since I was held back from all these things, I never understood my body and my needs.
Nikolai is a good-looking man and the first man in my life I have been attracted to. My body reacts to him of its own accord. I am not ashamed to say that I liked it, I liked his kisses, I liked his touch and I want to feel all that again maybe even more. I wanted him to touch me down there, my core ached for his touch.
I paced back and forth in my room, I needed to talk to Nikolai. I wanted to feel all that again and I want to feel his rough hands against my skin. I want him and only him to touch me in that way.
There was something just so arousing about his hand that wrapped around my neck, his grip on my hair, his roughness with a hint of gentleness as he grabbed me and pulled me into him.
With my mind made up, I walked straight to his study. It was early evening, I don't know if he was even at home. I knocked on the door and waited. I knocked again and the door was flung open by Scott.
He glared at me and then his eyes traveled to my neck, where they lingered. I know what he was looking at, I had slight bruising on my neck from where Nikolai had kissed and bit me last night. It didn't hurt and it was completely visible for anyone to see. For some reason, I wanted to hide it but I didn't know how to, I would have searched the internet but I still don't have my cellphone. He scowled staring at my neck before his heated gaze landed back on my face.
"What the fuck do you want?"
I took a shaky breath. "I want to see Nikolai"
"He's busy" saying that, he almost shut the door but I placed my hand over it, stopping him.
"When will he get free?"
"I have no fucking idea"
"I really need to talk to him---" I was in the middle of my sentence when he slammed the door shut.
Giving up, I turned to go back to my room. I really needed my cell phone back. I was getting bored out of my mind. I wandered here and there, read a book, and practiced ballet like I used to do with my mom. I even helped the kitchen maids prepare the meals. Although they were intimidated by my presence and told me I don't have to do this, I still insisted on helping because anything was better than doing nothing.
Nikolai left the house with a few of his men and now I was alone. The entire household staff took off one by one. An eerie silence spread throughout the estate.
