Fault [bxb] ✔

{ THIRTY-FIVE }

CHAPTER 35 | No More

MARK'S P.O.V.

"FUCK!"

I cursed as the razor blade cut deep into my right arm. I gritted my teeth tightly, with my eyes closed shut due to the intense pain. I continued bringing the blade down my arm slowly, feeling the cold liquid that was my blood flowing out from the deep wound, and running down until hitting the sink.

I yelled loudly when the pain got unbearable and I dropped the blade on the sink, feeling my arm trembling with a stinging pain. I looked at myself in the mirror, making it blurry with the breathing that came out from my nose and my mouth. I let out another painful groan when the pain wasn't subsiding.

I did this with the intention that I would get rid of such thoughts that infected my mind. But it's not working. Hurting myself will lead me nowhere. I won't stop thinking about him, I won't get through this phase at this rate, I'm just punishing myself for something I'm not even guilty of! He's trying to turn me into something I don't want to be and just look what I'm doing. I'm such an idiot.

But what if I hurt him instead?

"Mark, what happened?" I heard my mom calling from outside the door of my bedroom. When I didn't reply, she knocked on the door and called me again. "Mark, are you there?"

"Yes!" I answered from the bathroom. "I'm fine!"

"What happened? I heard you screaming."

"Nothing! I just... Hit my toe on the desk." I lied.

"Oh, ok. Be more careful."

When her voice was no longer heard, I proceeded to wash my wound and wash out the stains of blood from the sink. I simply wrapped a piece of paper around my arm and stayed there, looking at my blurry reflection.

If I hurt Zack in some way, would that be enough for him to learn not to intrude in my life anymore? If I convince myself that I hate him so much by hurting him, will that be enough so I can erase every single thought about him?

Yes, that's what I have to do. In order to get over this phase in which I'm currently trapped, all I have to do is get rid of the matter that got me into this messy shit in the first place! In this case, Zack is the matter who I must get rid of. Only then, every single image and feeling towards him will be gone for once, I won't have the need to kiss him ever again, I will enjoy having sex with girls, and I'll be back to who I truly am. How didn't I think of that before?

I will teach him a lesson. A lesson that he'll have to learn the hard way. I'm going to do this to recover my true self. I will demonstrate that no one is born gay, and it's possible to get past that phase if you work hard to get it accomplished. If anyone decides to be gay, fine for them, but that's a decision I'm not willing to take. I already have a lot of problems in my life, and being gay won't be one of them.

I picked up my shirt from the floor and put it on. My arm was still stinging but I paid no mind to it. I walked out from my bathroom, but before I could exit, I was barefoot and my pinky toe hit against the edge of the door.

"AAAH!!! FUCK!!!" I yelled, lifting my left foot and holding the spot where I hit myself. "SHIT! DAMN IT! ARGH!" That and other swear words came out of my mouth as I jumped in one foot around the bathroom.

"Again, Mark?" My mom called from the other side of my bedroom door.

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ZACK'S P.O.V.

I awoke to the sweet sound of the birds chirping outside, the occasional sound of a car passing by the street, and the bright rays of sun making their way through my window. I opened my eyes slowly, and I found myself curled up in a ball while hugging one of my pillows. Oh, now I remember having cried last night until falling asleep.