Hope. [COMPLETED]

Chapter Twelve.

Blaze's POV.

I woke up covered in sweat, out of breathe and the urge to self harm.

I could of saved my mum, I could of gotten her out quick enough. I just should of listened to her singing and be grateful I could hear her voice even though it was terrible.

I leaned over my bed and grabbed the blade from the draw and just began harming myself. Because I knew I deserved it.

I gripped my hair in my hands and rocked on the bed. I felt the blood running down my arm onto my bare legs.

"I could of saved her." I muttered. "I could of saved her. It's all my fault."

I pulled my hair making an angry sound.

You could of saved her but you were selfish.

"I'm not selfish, she told me to leave her."

But your mum would never leave you. She would fight for you.

"I know, I know." I gripped my hair tighter.

So pathetic, crying over your mum. You killed her.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" I screamed. "I didn't mean to kill her I promise. I didn't mean too."

I heard the door bang open and someone gather me up in their arms. I saw the greyish hair of my nan.

"Nan I didn't mean to kill her! Believe me nan I didn't mean to."

Like she would be a killer. A murderer.

"Nan believe me please I didn't mean to." I begged my nan.

"You didn't kill her Blaze. You didn't I promise you."

She is lying. Pathetic.

"Stop talking to me!" I screamed.

I heard my nan mumbling.

I just kept screaming and shouting to the voice to shut up. I felt my arm all sticky from the blood.

"It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault." I kept muttering to myself.

I felt myself being lifted up and put on something. I opened my eyes and saw two people in a green uniform indicating they were the ambulance people.

"Blaze can you hear me?" I just nodded. "We are just going to take you to the hospital okay?"

"Mmm, but you believe me I didn't kill her."

"Yes Blaze we believe you." The women said.

"Okay. Is my nan coming?" I asked in a baby voice.

"Yeah she is waiting down stairs. You're going to be okay Blaze."

"I'm going to be okay." I whispered to myself.

You will always be labelled a murderer.

"I'm not a murderer." I whispered to the voice.

Look at all the blood on your hand. Your mothers blood.

"No no it's my blood. My blood."

I saw the streetlights on and the flashing lights of the ambulance lighting up some houses. I felt the bed I was on being lifted and securely placed in the back of the ambulance.

"My my nan where is she?" I asked the women.

"I'm here my dear. I'm here." I saw my nan take my hand and stroke my face.

"I'm sorry." Was the last thing I remember saying before passing out.

there are things that have to be forgotten if you want to go on living
- jim thompson, the killer inside me