the only time i feel i might get better (is when we are together) - ziam

Nine ･ﾟ✧

Liam was so God damn baffling and Zayn couldn't help but tug on his hair and let out a low groan in confusion at the thought of him and his messy behaviour. One moment the lad was lovely and the next he was a twat... It was confound. There has to be a reason for it... Zayn was sure of it, however he also didn't directly know how to find out what that reason may be without straight up asking Liam and by asking the boy, he may be dipping deeper into water than he'd like to dip in. He was also positive that Liam wouldn't tell him, because why would he? Did Liam even know he's a dick?

Why had the lad taken over his mind all of a sudden? It had been days since Zayn had actually done any coursework because of the sudden infatuation with him and he still has yet to work with multiple mediums for the task he was set. He was running out of time and all he could do was blame the opposite boy, he didn't really have time to sit around and think of him any longer but he can't help it. He supposed that he should maybe work on some of his tasks while Liam was out training but he didn't know if he would be able to concentrate, knowing what will probably happen later on in the day when Liam comes back with his new bird. He would have to attempt it though.

"Well I best be off," Liam began and got up, wiping his greasy hands against the fabric on his thighs, "Remember what I said about you leaving, okay? It's important and I need privacy, I don't want you here."

"Right." Zayn nodded

"I'm not trying to be horrible, mate. Just leave around two-ish." He hummed and then grabbed his training bag, throwing it over his shoulder with a jacket in case it got breezy on the way back. Zayn watched him and finished the last piece of his toast, putting the plate in the sink. He was being horrible though, that's the thing - or at least that's what it felt like. It was his room too and Liam hadn't even bothered to ask him to leave in a polite way, he'd been harsh about it the whole time. Though, It was not like he should expect much from the lad, he was a typical man and unfortunately men will be men: arseholes. (Figurative and literally.)

The boy left with a slight slam of a door which Zayn couldn't help but flinch at, he then sighed softly and began to wash all of the pots that were piling up over time. He can still feel the awkward tension of his teddy being brought up and he really didn't like it, he was tired of his little space items and the space in general, feeling like a crime, as though they're something he shouldn't have. He knows it's not his fault, he knows it's not Liam's fault either - it's not anyone's fault. His space is valid but he can't help but feel the way he does about it, he truly dreamt for the space to feel and be like other peoples space such as Harry's, who feels completely and utterly safe in it. Harry adores his headspace, he loves being cared for by Louis and he loves his teddies, his pacifiers, his blankies. He loves it all, he loves the attention and the cuddles... And maybe it was because Zayn had never received that and although he craved it, it felt awkward in a way that he couldn't understand or explain. It felt wrong to him sometimes, and he hated that it felt wrong.

He wanted to love his little space like he used to, and maybe it was because he fell out of love with it due to not being in it for such a long time but really, he didn't know why it didn't feel the same. His space was such a special and loving space to him, he feels so small and tiny when he is in it. All relaxed and calm. Many people would think he's odd for it, and he's thought of that plenty of times: It was not usual for someone to regress into the mindset of a genuine four year old but in a sense, Zayn liked that it was not the usual. It's apart of him, it makes him, well, him, and Zayn is far from being anything of normal anyway so what is there to matter?

Zayn wondered if he could involve his little space into his next art piece while being subtle about it before realising that perhaps he could. He came up with a plan and a quick sketch of a Jack Russel puppy, laying on a bed and watching a Disney movie, his own puppy teddy in the painting next to the dog. He did the drawing with watercolours, all soft and gentle, pastel colours: different pinks, yellows and blues. He very quickly concentrated into the drawing and zoned out into his own little world, ignoring everything around him. His drawing was the only thing that mattered and damn, it had been a while since he loved a drawing this much. He truly has a passion for the things he enjoy and by combining them, it felt like a major serotonin boost.

It was coming together well and it was starting to look extremely good. He was proud of it. Before he knew it, time had passed and Liam was barging through the door, hand in hand with some girl who was practically clung to him. Her hands were all over Liam's body and Liam's hands were all over hers, it was a sight for sure and definitely not one that Zayn wanted to see right now. He knew that Liam asked him to leave but he got distracted and it truly wasn't his fault, his painting took over and it was all that he could think of. Sadly, he can't help but feel terrible for letting Liam down as he said he would leave but he didn't - now Liam was pissed at him.

"For fuck's sake, Zayn. I asked you to leave." Liam huffed, letting go of the girl who was now rolling her eyes and picking at her overgrown acrylic nails that were seconds away from falling off and dropping to the cluttered ground. "Two-ish, remember?"

Zayn looked at Liam, his face dropping into a frown. "I'm sorry- I- I was just painting and I got too into it- and I forgot. I'm really sorry, I'll go now." The opposite boy watched him, different emotions flashing across his face but all were unreadable to Zayn. He began to carefully pack up his painting, making sure that he weren't to ruin the work in which he had just spent time on and was genuinely amazed of.

"Actually wait," Liam sighed, rubbing the girl's back, "I don't want to do this with you anymore. Can you leave, we can meet up another time?"

The girl looked at Liam and scoffed, "You're choosing that knob over me? We planned this for ages, babe. Like for two whole days. You said you were gonna make me feel good."

"Change of plan. I guess. I'll text you?" Liam rubbed the back of his neck and the girl stormed out with an eye roll, Zayn just watched the scene go down and held onto his painting as though it was going to be destroyed if he were to let go. (He was sure that if the lass' acrylic nails were to touch it, it would be ripped up into shreds like a cat with sharp claws had a hold of it, so maybe he was correct about that thought.)

"I told you that I was going to go..." Zayn muttered and Liam simply shrugged and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge. "Why did you kick her out?"

A/N: Didn't proof read this one because it's well past midnight and I'm sleepy. Let me know if you like it!