The Death Of Me ✔️

novaturient

Novaturient
(n.) A desire to alter your life.

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Chapter 27
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For a moment there, I couldn't help but admire him in all his glory. His signature tousled hair, defined chest under a white buttoned down shirt, his jeans hung low. When our eyes met again, I felt an unfamiliar pull in my heart. Shawn broke our eye contact and whispered something to the girl on his lap.

My mind stopped functioning when he stood up and started walking to me. What was I supposed to do? What will he do? What will I say? With him just a few steps away from me I turned around and started to walk away from him. But Shawn was quick.

Before I could even enter the house I felt his grip on me. I hated him for being so powerful because in swift tug he made me turn around and face him. My heart thumped so loudly I'm sure even he could hear it.

"Don't go acting so jealous when you don't want to do shit with me." He said.

"I'm not jealous." I tell him, my voice quivering. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Anyone who's jealous will deny being jealous." He said. His eyes were narrowed slightly, his jaw tense. Shawn was one hot creature.

"You're absolutely right. I'm jealous. Jealous of those bimbos who don't give a shit about you and is straddling someone else's lap now because you and I both know it, I'll never be like one of them." I tell him with a serious face.

"You're jealous of them because it could be you I was intending on fucking. But you're not. Totally because of you." He said. I yanked my arm off his grip. I took a step back in disbelief.

"My world doesn't revolve around you. I'm better off without you anyway." I shout at his face.

"Then stop staring at me like I'm some meat you're trying to hunt down." He shouted back.

"Oh, Shawn, go fuck yourself. Go fuck a new slut every night. Kiss someone new everyday. I don't give a flying fuck about your sex life. I do not have any intention to fuck you, not anymore to be specific." I took a few steps back.

"If you think I'm desperate for your dick then listen to me, and listen carefully. I don't want you. At some point I might've. But now? You can go fuck a cat for all I care. I don't want to see your retched face for a minute longer so yeah, to hell with you and your dick. I'm out." I turn around and stride away.

I broke down in tears within moments. I hated myself for all the things I said. It was absolutely unnecessary but I wanted him to feel bad. To feel the way I was feeling whole day. Most of the things I said weren't entirely true.

I want to see his face again. If possible I want to be his friend, if not fuck buddies.

And whom he's with, matters to me. Because I liked him. I liked him a lot.

Ethan came to my rescue. He found me crying by the kitchen sink and gave me a big talk full of facts. He was right, I shouldn't cry about Shawn. Then he handed me over his cup and said, "Drink it and forget it."

So that's what I did. It felt like I was drinking lava, my throat burned as the liquid poured down. But the drink fucked up my brain more. Ethan dragged me to the dance floor after that, I didn't wanna dance but he left me no other choice.

At one point, it became hard to even breath on the dance floor. I was sweating like Niagara and I needed to get out. I was in the kitchen, getting myself something to drink when Justin found me.