To Live Again: Waiting Between Worlds {Lord of the Rings Fanfiction}

7. A Devoted Wife

The Woodland Realm: The Royal Residence
SA 3441

~x~X~x~X~x~
{Clara POV}
~x~X~x~X~x~

The halls of my home are suddenly much too large and empty for just me and the children. The royal mansions have always been a place of sanctuary and solitude for me. Behind these stone and marble pillars, in magnificent rooms and gardens decorated with the most glorious scented blooms, and shimmering lanterns, I have so many memories of people that I will never see again...at least not in this lifetime.

I stand quietly in the great reception hall, with its grand fireplace that dominates the middle of the room. To the right sits an armchair that has not been touched or sat in since its regular occupant departed all those years ago. Oropher's favoured blue robe still lies strewn over the chair's back, his stack of books left neatly on the table beside it. I can't even bring myself to move the insignificant items, for I stupidly think if they sit there then somehow he is still here. Legolas is glued to my side, with his hand tightly entwined with mine. Out the corner of my eye I observe how his lashes are a damp and tangled mess, and he doesn't even try to disguise the renegade tear that slips from his devastated blues.

"Tinuben says th-that Grandpa is not really gone,"Legolas articulates carefully, and sniffs back a great sob, as he looks up to me for answers; "He says that he will awaken in the west...in Valinor...where my Grandmother lives. Do you think if he does...he will ask the Valar to help find Ada, so he can home to us?"

"Oh sweetheart," I sob and give a sad little laugh; "Your Ada is going to find his way home, don't you worry about that!"

"I am frightened Nana! I am frightened what will happen now." Legolas tears gather fiercely, and with broken whine he turns his head into my chest and sobs painfully. Instinctively I wrap him in a tight and protective embrace, pressing my lips to the crown of his head and allowing a few tears of my own to fall.

"It is okay to be frightened Legolas," I hear myself utter the statement I promised his father I would tell him, and tug his face upwards so our eyes meet determinedly; "Fear keeps us fighting on...it makes us stronger. You have to be strong now Legolas, and keep believing that Ada will come home...do you understand?"

"Yes Nana," He answers me through a particular painful sob, though he does his level best to disguise it.

"Good," I reply as bravely as I can muster; "Now, I have had Ellie pour you a bath in your chambers. Go have a nice soak, and a good rest. Things we look clearer in the morning."

He nods in agreement, and without much protest does as he is bid. I reckon he sees the fatigue in my eyes and knows not to test my patience. I am tired, and my heart still feels cleaved in two, like I am walking around with a gaping hole in my chest. Yet part of me feels rekindled, something stirs and gives me hope. I know Thranduil is alive and fighting to stay that way - I can sense it with every fibre of my being. We are not through fighting yet, but victory does feel a step closer.

Wearily I amble over to the fireplace, and lean my arms on the mantle so I may enjoy the little warmth the flames give me. I have never been truly cold as an elf, not the way a mortal can feel coldness, if there is a chill in the air it is only a mild discomfort or annoyance. Now I feel cold, my limbs are freezing to touch and nothing seems to bring them warmth.

This is a stage of grief, a stage of fading for an elf. I know this, I've studied it...but I have to keep holding on, I have to keep giving myself reasons not to give into it. Little things help, like the feel of heat of flame on my skin...it reminds of the heat of Thranduil's skin on mine. So for several minutes I allow myself the memory of my lover's embrace and my mind's eye seems to dance back years to a time before we had such burdens. A time before we were a bonded pair, when we were friends and every little touch and look between us held so much promise and excitement. For a moment I am there, and I am that young girl again and the vision stuns me into silence, for I hear his voice so plainly...