High School Fur - A gay furry coming of age story

Chapter 26

'Why am I even going in there?' I said to myself again pacing back down the hallway the way I'd already come, 'you're here now, just vent, it will be good for you' my mind convinced my legs to do another about turn and I pressed the door open.

The gay breakfast club was quite full today, some familiar faces from last time, the young kid Milo, Ross and Clayton the mincing twins and Tommy, but there were another 5 or 6 others now sat around the table, some partaking in the bacon rolls whose pile was nearly depleted this week.

"welcome back Sam" Mrs Baxter says enthusiastically, I give a wave and Tommy beckons me over, "I'm out on good behavior after today, but why the hell did you come back" he says with a cheeky grin on his face

"I don't know" I sigh heavily, louder than I thought it would be slumping into the chair, "you have something you want to get off your chest Sam?" Mrs Baxter looks over to me, "it better to share" she encourages

"I don't know if I want to" I say staring at the ceiling, and that was true I didn't even know what I would say and I completely forgot Tommy would be here, he'd not texted me and id not text him since we last spoke and I was pretty sure he didn't want to hear about my problem, especially because it was the reason i broke things off with him.

"this is a group where we are here to help" Mrs Baxter goes on, he eyes boring holes into my soul it feels, "things will be better if you share" she says, the rest of the room is now in silence and I can feel everyone's eyes on me

"okay" I say slowly pinching the bridge of my nose, "so I'm dating a guy who is in the closet and I don't think I can deal with it" I cant look at Tommy when I say it, at anyone for that matter, instead I stare at the table hoping for this feelin of relief to come now I've shared it but it doesn't come at all.

"dump his ass" Ross calls out, "yeah tell him to come out or dump him" Clayton says and I find myself slumping into the chair "that's not the answer" I sigh in frustration

"now Sam has a point, we cant force people to come out the closet, some people take longer than others and we need to respect that, what is it about him being in the closet that you cant deal with?" Mrs Baxter asks tapping a pencil at her desk.

"I just want to tell people about him, I want to hold his hand, I want to... I don't know its like he don't exist except when I'm alone with him"

"yes this is good, you want acknowledgement from him that your relationship means something, and that's a reasonable request, but you have to remember that everybody's journey to coming out is different, some of you might jump out the closet and others like to creep out an inch at a time"

Mrs Baxter stands as she starts to walk the room, "but relationships have to work both ways, and if he can't give you what you need right now, then perhaps you need to give him time and space until a healthy relationship can form, because from what you've told me this isn't good for your mental health"

The room is quiet for a while, my brain is now more confused than when I first came in, "see now isn't it better to share?" Mrs Baxter says in a knowing voice, but she was wrong, I didn't feel any better, if anything I felt worse, I had to let Jackson go until he figured shit out? How was that good advice?

Well whatever it was I needed to get out this room, it was like a wave of emotion blowing up inside me and no... I wasn't going to cry in front of this group, "please excuse me" I managed before making a speedy exit from the door, I heard Mrs Baxter call my name but I didn't stop to listen.

Instead I found myself 100 yards up the hallway just around the corner with my head leant against the wall, even in group I couldn't talk about Jackson, it had to be this anonymous boy, the secret was eating me up inside, maybe I should tell Ella I thought, I just needed to tell someone.

"that group gives literally the worst advice known to man" Tommy's voice says softly "sorry I can't..." I say feeling my eyes sting "I know, I know" he says pulling me into a hug and I can't help but cry into his shoulder, I don't even know why

Tommy just holds me and after a while I manage to calm myself a little, Tommy doesn't say anything and just hugs me which seems to help, "Mrs Baxter's wrong you know, what does she know, shes ancient, she's straight too, she hasn't a clue what its like"

And I laugh a little because she was ancient

"look, I've dated a guy or two in the closest, and ill be honest its not easy, sneaking around, not been able to tell anyone, and if he does like you then he will come out the closet, eventually" Tommy says with a big enthesis on the word eventually.

"but be honest read the signs, some guys will never come out" Tommy pauses for a moment, "you want to know a secret?" Tommy asks placing his paw under my chin trying to make me look at him.

I nod wondering where he was going with this, "I once dated Eric Matthews, can you imagine that?"

"what Eric, football Eric?" I say in shock

"yeah, how do you think I know when football practice is, used to meet him afterwards all the time, you know we'd do stuff behind the sports hall, then we got caught kissing one day and he vanished into thin air, I didn't exist anymore"

Tommy takes a step back his paws on my shoulders, "my point is I kinda knew long before we got caught, but I kept at it anyway, and maybe he will never come out as gay who knows, but if it makes you feel like this its not good is it?"

I smile and for once someone was making a bit of sense, "now as much as I want to tell you to dump his ass, you know because I meant it when I said I like you, the part of me that's your friend, well that's saying only you know the answer about how you feel, and only you know what is going to make you happy"

He hugs me again as I say "thanks" albeit quietly, "and call me, talk to me, don't be alone in this, that shit will eat away at you, I know it did with me and Eric"

I laugh a little "I cant believe you dated Eric" I smile, "nah me neither" he snorts "I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said he was completely different when we were together?"

"actually yeah I could" and I was starting to think that perhaps Jackson was similar, he was still nice to me I guess but it was the times we were alone, that's the Jackson I was falling in love with not the pretend straight boy he was acting to be.

"come on, I guess tutor will be starting soon, and I mean it, I'm here to talk about it"

"thanks" I say wiping my eyes, "can you tell I've been crying?" I ask

"well, ask me again in 5 minutes" he says pointing towards the toilets

I wash my face and dry it off on some hand towels, and check in the mirror, I look ok I guess, although I knew I'd been crying so it was obvious to me, heading back to the hallway Tommy nodded as if everything looked ok.

"you gonna be OK?"

"yeah I think so"

"good, im way over in D block for Tutor, I guess its why I never see you around school, but you know, don't be a stranger"

"thanks Tommy" I say and he waves as we head off separate ways down the corridor and I wonder to myself did I make the wrong decision, he was a really nice guy, maybe it wasn't just about the spark after all.