Why couldn't it be a 9 year olds unicorn party?

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I sat in the truck on the way back, silent next to Xavier. I was thinking about Bella. But not like that, I was overthinking wether those butterflies were because I had a friend or were because I liked her. 

Just friends. Just friends. Just friends. Just friends. Just friends. Just friends. Just friends.

The last time I had to have this conversation with myself was when I liked Zana. Thinking of her name made me recoil. Oh my god. I like her. I like her. What the fuck. It'll go away? It's just because she's.. a new friend. And she's pretty. And she's everything that I could ever want in a girlfriend. Oh my god. No. I'm not doing this again with myself. I just wont tell her. I wont tell her. I can't tell her. A month or two and then I can go back to painting shetland ponies pink and gluing plastic horns on bridles for the sake of a 9 year old.

I like her. 

"Fuck" I said under my breath 

"Hm?" said Xavier

"Oh nothing. Just thinking" 

"About what" 

"Hm, not much. Just..homework" I played off

"Ah"

I was silent the rest of the ride. Picking the skin around my thumb and just wanting to go home and sleep. Me and Xavier didn't talk much at all, in any circumstance. Neither did me or Nonie. Or Prue. We just worked together and said stupid shit under each others posts. I made myself think about that instead of the other thing. I realised that I had never hung out with any of them outside of walking to the Parkland cafe for lunch when we had the same break times. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and swiped through the endless hole that Instagram tends to be at the end of the day. I was instantly brought back to the one thing I didn't want to be on my mind my one notification. 



                                                                                  bella :)

bella :)

Hey Mara, you know that picture you took of me on Nellie? Can u send it to me:) My mums nagging me to see it. 

                                                                                                                      me

                                                                                                                      me

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bella :)

Thank youuuu

                                                                                                                        me

                                                                                                                           :)

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