you and me, me and you

What Happens to Chatty People

❥zanaisabelle

liked by amarafellowesiscool, melodylivesinvain, and 753 others

zanaisabelle, my only ever friend (creds to my mom for the first 2 pics)

tagged ↦ /emmabakeman

emmabakeman, OMG I LOVE U ZANIE

zanaisabelle, u r my fav

idonotexist, this is a cute post

zanaisabelle, ty :)

username, you're both so pretty wow

zanaisabelle, AW

amarafellowesiscool, wow

amarafellowesiscool, haven't forgotten about me yet, have you? haha

guess_who, second pic is adorable

zanaisabelle, hehehe

☾irl: amaras perspective☽

I felt the heaviest pit in my stomach when I woke up. I had been ignoring everything going on for months hoping that I would never have to feel what it would make me feel but it hit me. really hard. I don't know why it hit me today, it just did. I couldn't eat or think or work or study. I needed to see someone indeed human connection, real connection for once in my fucking life. all I could do was lay down and cry and cry and cry. I hated myself I hated myself for being a girl and liking girls. I hated all my teachers. I hated Zana. It was like this big lump of coal that was stuck in my throat that I hadn't told anyone about.

I hated myself for liking girls, but I wanted to be in a relationship so horribly bad. Or at least a close friendship. I wanted a connection, but I didn't think to trust myself with those anymore. last two times I did that I ended up too drunk to speak in someones bed I didn't want to be in, and then the other time I ended up with no friends. AKA, Zana. I wanted to make myself feel better by doing something distracting. I needed someone to talk to about anything other than what was going on in my mind at the moment. Emmas house? I knew she was home because of her location. I didn't want to tell her I was coming over because I was too scared she'd say no and then I'd cry again. I didn't want to cry again. I didn't want to be a bad friend either.

emmabakeman😇

amarafellowesiscool🐱

emma, is it ok if i come over? need to be w someone rn. im omw.

amarafellowesiscool🐱

hi. im here outside ur apt,, im walking up now. ur home yeah?

☾irl: amaras perspective☽

I texted Emma like I usually did. she didn't reply, I assumed she was sleeping. I was walking up the stairs, almost at her apartment number when I heard familiar giggling. I stopped walking and tried to listen. all I could hear was distant mumbling and laughing. It was Zana. I couldn't make out words but it was coming from one voice and from Emmas apartment door. I pressed my ear against the wall where her lounge room was on the other side.

"I just feel like she doesn't get the hint you know?", said Zana

"Mhm"

"like, the other day when I asked you to hangout and she said oh can I come? I didn't even mean to text that group. I meant to text the one with you and Indigo"

"Yeah"

"Fuck like, she probably still likes me. how she confessed her feelings to me was so weird too dude. she acted like we were dating it was so weird.

"Yes Dana you've said this a thousand times"

"I know, its just like so fucking weird how she's still so obsessed with me"

My stomach dropped further into my stomach and I swallowed hard. Even though I knew this is how Zana felt about me, it felt worse knowing I was right about it.

"Oh shit Z"

"What?"

"Mara texted me saying shes here to hangout, fuck"

I heard footsteps running on the hard wood floor towards the front door. I stood up in front of it as it opened slowly and Emmas eye peeked out behind the crack and swung open into a friendly smile when she saw it was me. Awkward, but trying to be friendly. No, my stomach didn't drop at the sight of her and there weren't butterflies. More or less it was the complete opposite. My eyes welled up with tears uncontrollably as I peered past Emma and locked eyes with Zana, whose eyes in return were unforgiving.

"Hi Mara, uh.. how long have you been standing here?" said Emma, she was nervous. she knew I had heard.

"Long enough"

"Long enough?" she said, her voice was shaking this time.

I pushed past Emma and let myself in her apartment. Zana was looking at me with a smug look, uncaring and aloof. She knew I heard.

"I said what I said Amara. And I don't-"

Anger blinded me and I felt like my conscious self leave my body and sit behind my eyes. I felt my body pick up my own arm, and hit Zana in her complacent fucking face. I didn't care. She'd put me through so. much shit for thI didn't feel bad or good about it, I wasn't disappointed or proud of what I just did. I felt my conscious self come back to where I knew what I was doing with myself.

"AMARA WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Zana? Are you-"

"NO IM NOT FUCKING OKAY. This psyco BITCH just hit me in the FUCKING FACE"

Emma rushed past me to help Zana. In that moment I was filled with regret for some reason. I ran down the stairs and out of the apartment block and back home to my bed. I didn't talk to Emma or Zana, of course I didn't. I didn't want to cry again. But I did. I cried a lot.

Why do I have to like girls, God?

rbnnn44:

hi im sorry I promise our gf Bella is coming into the story soon also im sorry this is a long chapter lol. also this chapter is bad I have writers block its 2am sorry.