Six Feet Under

7.

I woke up feeling weirdly dizzy. Like my brain cannot send signals to my body. Right now, it feels like I am floating out of it. Memories of last night come back all at once and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, not wanting to remember any of it. Mental breakdowns are bad, aftermath is worse. I got up from the bed and went to the washroom and freshened up. I changed into some new clothes and for the first time applied a bit of make up for school. Hopefully, I will look slightly better today.

I make my way downstairs and grab my lunch from the table and go straight out of the house. When I reach to school, I found Brianna at her usual spot and she gave me the brightest smile when she saw me. I made my way towards her and she embraced me in a hug.

"I sent you so many texts last night. I came across this funny video on the internet and thought you would like it but I figured you must be asleep." I didn't check my phone at all.

"Yeah. I slept early last night." I lied.

She narrowed her eyes at me and opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by Daniel, "Good morning, ladies. I am sorry to interrupt but Brianna here are your notes and thank you so much for them."

"No problem, Daniel. And good morning to you as well." Brianna chirped.

"Hey Paige. Looking good. See you later guys." And with that he ran off to other direction. But he said I look good. Progress.

"Paige." Brianna said and I know that tone. It means that it's serious.

"Yes?" I said nervously.

"What happened last night?" The look on her face told me that she was positive something happened last night. Something that should not have happened.

"Nothing." I lied again. I am lying too much these days.

"Listen, it's okay of you don't want to share it with me. I understand. But I know for a fact that you didn't sleep early last night. And the fact that you are wearing make up tells a whole another story." I don't know whether to feel happy that she knows me so good or sad that I am dragging her into this like always.

"I- I promise it was nothing major." I lied for the third time today.

She shook her head and said, "Just know that you are beautiful with or without make-up. And there is absolutely no need to be hard on yourself. Treat yourself like you would want to treat your daughter." Her words made me feel all sorts of emotions. I looked down at my feet and nodded.

She held me by my shoulders and said, "You don't have to become someone you're not just for the sake of pleasing others. Keep yourself happy and that will be enough."

Her voice was gentle but I could hear a hint of pain in it too. I hate to be the one who caused it.

"It was..it was...I-I am" I stuttered so much it was getting difficult to form a sentence. I wanted to explain to her what actually happened but it is difficult.

"Shh, it is okay. You don't have to explain anything to me. You felt what you felt and that is okay. You don't have to explain it to me or to anyone." I bit my lip in nervousness and nodded my head.

"Come on. We have to go to our science class". And with that we turned around and went into our class. We both sat together in the science class like always and Brianna kept giving me assuring smiles or would give my hand a squeeze under a table. And it was more than enough. I think it would be impossible to describe in words how much I am indebted to her and how grateful I am that she exists. She is like that light that shines brighter than everyone else in a room. And she is my light.

In the lunch, Daniel and Cal joined us and it seems like now it is a group of four. Which actually does not feel bad, it is actually kind of nice. We get to listen to some more topics of conversations and it's amazing. Daniel and Cal are hilarious. They both keep us entertained.