I was knocked up by the ML and currently running away.

Chapter 39 - My feelings

What?

Wait.

Wait a minute.

What the heck is Oscar talking about?

No way!

There's no way in hell...

I have what toward who?!

Impossible.

But, is it?

No. Not really.

Come to think of it, it's not impossible at all.

In fact, didn't I almost go that direction two years ago? That's why I had hardened my heart and only pay attention to the physical interactions.

But, what if... unknowingly, I...

What if my heart unknowingly is filled with everything about Lucas, not only his physical appearance and skills in bed?

Memories of the times I spent with Lucas flashed my mind like a roll of vintage family videotapes.

The happy times we had. The times I was clinging to him. The times I was jealous because of him. The times I've been yearning for him. The times when I really want to see his face because being away from him too long was unbearable. The times I feel at ease being wrapped in his warm embraces.

There's no excuse now. I had to admit it.

"I'm screwed."

I covered my face with both my hands.

"Fufu..."

I heard Oscar chuckle.

Damn it. He was enjoying my despair a little too much.

"Hmmph."

I scoffed as I looked at my cheeky cousin brother who didn't look like he was actually six years older than me at all.

"Great. No thanks to you, I finally realized that I was acting like a dumb girl this whole time for the past two years!"

I complained to Oscar, a bit sarcastically.

More like I was demeaning myself.

"How can I be so stupid that I can't even figure out my own feelings on my own?"

I sighed.

Oscar who was gleefully enjoying himself finally stopped laughing. He patted my head.

"Yeah, I've been wondering about the same thing for a long time, too. How can the Allyssa Reynold fail to recognize her own simple feelings?"

I grunted.

I wanted to rebuke him because I thought he was making fun of me.

But Oscar continued talking.

"But now that you told me about what you've been through in your previous life, I thought, it couldn't be helped."

Oscar played with my hair.

"I think you were subconsciously denying your own feeling without you even realizing it. Your heart was hurt too much because of that scum of a husband. You don't want to get hurt by love anymore."

Oscar continued.

"So, as a defense mechanism, your heart automatically refused to acknowledge the feelings that you are feeling toward Lucas Maxwell was actually love."

I'm unable to refute Oscar. Because he is most probably right.

"And your fear only got worse after you've found out that you're pregnant. It's a normal reaction considering what you've been through back then. It's okay, love. You're okay. There's nothing wrong with that."