Under the Dim Lights • Oikawa Tōru ✔

page 22 • dummykawa

"I... I'm not going to ask you to open the door. But, I'm gonna leave right after this, so... Can you please listen to me?"

You feel a little dizzy and tired all of a sudden, so you sit down on the floor, leaning against the door. You were sure Oikawa could hear your action, and a few seconds later, you could hear him sit down and lean his back on the door from outside, as well.

"I hope you can hear me, [Name]-chan." He starts. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I really do want to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you have to go through something I can't change for you, all because of me. If it was anything else, I'd have done that for you and I'm so sorry that I left you alone like that."

There's a pause before he resumes again.

"But I know what you're like. You like to be independent so you'd have hated me if I didn't leave you alone at times, too. I think that's one thing I love about you. You really give no flying fucks about people." He pauses, and you could hear a low chuckle.

"I know I was being a jerk on that day some girls poured orange juice over you, but I actually saw that too. I wasn't the best at trying to make you laugh. That was the first time, and it was such a small thing... So I didn't think it would be such a big deal..."

"But then, during that cultural festival, when I saw those guys bothering you, I was so mad. I kept wondering about what would happen to you if I didn't make you mine before I left. What other guys might try with you if they didn't know you are my... I mean... That you were my girlfriend."

His own correction makes more tears stream down your cheeks, and the way Oikawa's voice trembles a little makes you understand that he was struggling to speak, too.

"I wanted to do everything in my power to show everyone that you were mine. I... I was so carried away with that part that I forgot... I forgot that people could give you a hard time because you were my girlfriend, in the first place." He pauses, letting out a loud sigh. "We really never win in this life, do we? Even if our intentions are pure, there will always be people who would never understand us."

That dummy... Saying things like that at a time like this... It was as if he knew you would be bawling by now.

"And I guess you and I... We don't really understand each other like that, either."

Now, that hurt. And the reason why it hurt so much was because it was the truth. You hadn't understood his intentions... and neither did he understand your side, either.

"In a way, we're such a horrible match, don't you think so, [Name]-chan?"

We really are, Oikawa. We really are the worst match ever.

"But... We aren't... If we are such a horrible match, then my heart wouldn't want you this much, [Name]."

Your eyes are started to hurt from crying so hard, and the fact that Oikawa doesn't use the '-chan' suffix makes you realize just how serious he was, right then.

"If we were such a horrible match, then my heart wouldn't have been so happy when you told me you loved me. When you call me 'Tooru'. Each time you call me Senpai, and each time you look so shy when I kiss you. We... we aren't a horrible match at all, [Name]."

You'd always been a stubborn person. You've always been stubborn when it comes to Oikawa as well, but today, for the first time, you can't find it in you to be that. You know Oikawa was not expecting you to come outside, and quite frankly, you were not planning on doing so, either.

But you open the door, watching the way he almost tumbles backwards, into your apartment, and then looks up at you with big, wide eyes that were rimmed red.