Because of a Cowboy

The Date

Toby sat behind me and opened up the picnic basket, then handed me a plate.

"I packed it full of all your favorite crazy-pregnant-girl cravings. There's all different kinds of lunch meat with cinnamon raisin toast, and a diet soda," he said.

I dove right in, piling my piece of toast high with turkey, salami, roast beef, and ham. Toby took out a sandwich for himself. I could tell by the smell that it was egg salad—literally the only kind of sandwich he'd eat.

I looked out the corner of my eye at my sister's beloved tiny house. It sat, empty and dark against the shoreline of the pond. Saturday meant it was Karaoke night in town for Wrylie and her friends. I took my first bite and said a silent prayer for everyone's ears in that bar.

"This is so perfect," I said, indulging in my crazy sandwich.

We sat for a while, stargazing and talking about comic books. Everything was calm, like the sunny afternoons we spent fishing together out here, or the foggy mornings catching frogs.

"There's something I wanted to tell you," Toby said. It felt like everything was suddenly turned upside-down. "So, listen, I know this baby isn't mine. It's pretty boy asshole Holden's...but I know he's not going to step up. He's not gonna be there for either of you. I can. I can be the father they deserve."

My hormone-riddled body felt like it was bursting. My eyes were filling up with tears. I threw my arms around Toby.

"I know Holden most likely won't be there...thank you so much...but are you sure?"

"Look, we're young, but that doesn't matter. And when we go out in public I'm sure we'll get stares, that no one will think he's mine, but—"

I hugged him tighter. "You know I've never cared about the color of your skin. They won't either. Family doesn't always have to be blood."

"I want you to know that I'm going to be there for him," he said, backing up and taking both of my hands in his.

"Him? What makes you so sure that it's a boy?"

"Just a hunch."

He leaned in again for a kiss, and this time I gave in. He pressed his lips against mine, but the sparks I desperately longed to feel, like I did with Holden, just weren't there. He backed away, still holding my hands.

"You didn't like it."

"No you just...kiss differently than Holden...and I'm having trouble with all this. I'm pregnant and my emotions are all over. Everything was crazy enough, and now I'm on not only my first date ever, but with you. We go back so far...it's just that—"

He sighed. "You can't see me as more than a friend."

"No, I can," I said, taking a deep breath. "It's just...doesn't this feel weird to you?"

"No. It feels right." He moved his hand to my bump, where I was feeling tiny, fluttery kicks. "All of this. Even though it's kind of all over the place."

Toby kept speaking, but my mind was drifting far away. How could I be with him when Holden is the father? I haven't even told him yet! And Toby is...such a good guy...even though he isn't muscular or cunning.

I thought of the note in the picture frame. I looked at it every night.

Now, at this moment in time, I was sitting on a picnic blanket with my best friend, who (sortof) conquered his fear of horses, lit a ton of candles, and perfectly cut up all these meats and cheeses just for me. Because he cared. Because I meant that much to him.

I grabbed his flannel shirt and pulled him to me. I kissed him like someone who wanted it. Like someone who could finally give this a chance after all the begging and pleading for years. I pulled away and Toby caught his breath.

"What was that?" he asked, starstruck.

"You're a noob at kissing, so I showed you how," I said, a smirk finding its way across my lips.

"Do you think you could...show me again?"

I nodded and he came closer. Our lips collided, and tiny little sparks were forming. But I'd never forgive myself if Toby ever found out that the entire time I was kissing him, Holden was the only one on my mind.