In My Head

Crash ~ Kaden

My heart jumps. This look washes over Megan's face, like she thinks she didn't hear me right. But then her eyes go wide, and she takes the tiniest step backward.

"I just thought you should know," I say, which is mostly the truth. Now that I got to know her, the last thing I want is for her to watch me go down and not know what's happening to me. But there's a part of me that knows I told her for a different reason. Not because she needs to know, not because it's right to tell her, but because I just had to know if she would still like me after she found out.

"You're . . . This is a joke, right?" she says.

"I wish it was."

Her face crumples. She looks over at the house, back at me, then over my shoulder at the ocean. "What exactly does that mean?" she asks. I get the feeling she already knows, but she's hoping she has epilepsy confused with something that doesn't involve me spazzing out on the ground.

"I . . . Sometimes I have seizures," I say.

"Sometimes?" she asks.

I sigh, shake my head. "More like all the time," I admit.

Megan presses her lips together and nods. "We should go," she says. She won't look me in the eye. "We should go back to the house." She turns and takes a step away.

I stand stock still and stare at her back. She turns back toward me and holds my gaze for a split second, then stares away, pulling her hair over her shoulder. Her eyes wander back to the beach house. "Please . . . Let's just go back."

"If you want to go, then just go." I turn my back on her and look out at the ocean. The wind suddenly feels chilly. In the complete silence, the waves sound loud as they crash on the shore. Then I hear the sound of Megan's feet dragging in the sand as she walks away.

This is crazy. I know epilepsy is serious, but I never expected it to be like this when I tell someone. I guess that just shows how much of an idiot I am. People will freak out if I don't tell them until it's too late, but they still freak out when I do tell them, and given the choice, I'd rather be out of it when they run away from me and my scary epilepsy. Logan can take care of me. He can explain it so that I don't have to. And the people who freak out and ditch me after that are not worth my time anyways.

What really gets me is this: if I hadn't told her, if I had just kept my mouth shut, she'd still be over here flirting with me, completely oblivious to the storm that's brewing in my head. And I'd still be the tall dark mysterious guy instead of the spaz.

At least I know not to tell anyone ever again.