Knox's Little Annie

11

Tuesday and Wednesday passed in a blur.

I managed two more successful days of attending all my classes. Classes were starting to pick up now, assigning more and more work. I still wouldn't say that any of this feels normal - certainly not how it used to a few months ago - but I was starting to get more used to it. 

It was becoming my new normal and so far, I felt okay with that.

Even Sean and Liam are starting to grow on me. I was just now starting to understand that their bickering is more playful than anything serious. Their words remain harsher than any I would use and they bicker far more than I would've expected from people who call each other friends, but they didn't seem as bad as I first thought.

Knox was my quiet calm, effectively balancing out every anxiety I felt on a daily basis.

His soft touches, lingering stare, and gentle words only further fueled my growing appreciation for him. I was becoming so used to his presence that my chest started aching with emptiness when he was no longer around.

"You're more quiet than usual today." Serena said, pulling out of my day dream.

My forehead laid against the cool glass of the car window as my eyes came back in to focus, looking at the quickly passing buildings. My eyes now burning, I blinked rapidly as I pulled my head away.

"I'm just tired." I replied, rubbing one of my eyes with the back of my hand.

It was the truth. Attending school was absorbing almost all of my available energy and using up every ounce of my focus.

"You haven't mentioned anything about school - about how you're feeling." Serena's voice shook slightly with hesitation.

"I'm doing my best." I frowned.

"I know - I don't mean that. I just mean, I want to make sure you're feeling okay. I don't want to push you too hard." Serena's eyes shifted between me and the road a few times.

"It's exhausting but I'm getting through." I said, mustering up the best smile I could.

In all honesty, I wasn't quite sure how I was feeling. As much as I was starting to get used to the situation I was forced to be in, I couldn't figure out what I actually thought about it on a deeper level. For the most part - besides my newfound friend - I didn't really enjoy going to school and if I was given the choice, I still would prefer to finish my degree online.

I mean I am a bit proud of myself for getting through and being able to handle it so far but I didn't think I was doing a particularly great job. I still feel constantly on edge and overwhelmingly anxious at almost every moment of the school day. If this is how it was going to be for the rest of the school year, I couldn't say that I was really looking forward to it.

The answer to this question felt so complex, I was still thinking about it as I sat down on the brown leather couch of Wendy's office.

"Annie." Wendy beamed in greeting as she too took her seat across from me.

I tilted my head slightly, lips thinning as I stared back silently. I could tell my lack of greeting bothered her but I could find it in myself to care too much.

Wendy's eye twitched slightly before she spoke again, "So, it's been a week since you started school..." she prompted, "tell me how that's going."

I eyed the pen that gleamed in her right hand. I swallowed thickly and shifted slightly in my seat but still couldn't find an answer in me that was worth speaking.

"Annie," Wendy sighed greatly, "I know you aren't too happy with me since I suggested that you go back to attending in person, but I hope you can understand that I am here to help you. I have your best interests at heart." She urged, the smile now gone from her face.

I grimaced. Help. My knuckles fisted on my lap. I had to literally bite my tongue to stop myself from saying how badly I did not want her help. My silence felt even louder than before as she continued to stare at me without blinking.

"Have you at least made any friends?" Wendy asked. Her voice was becoming increasingly more firm. I was irritating her and she wasn't bothering to hide it anymore.

Knox's face flashed through my mind. My insides instantly felt warmer. Sighing, I gave in.

"One." I finally said.

Wendy's eyes flashed with surprise, her pen hanging loosely - forgotten between our one-sided squabble and her new revelation.

"And... how did you meet her?"

I glanced out the window to my left, her eye contact becoming too intense. I thought about not correcting her - thought about letting her go on believing that the friend I made was a girl - but for once I found myself wanting to show her my progress. 

"H-he - uh - he's been helping me get around school." I admitted quietly, refocusing my attention on Wendy just in time to see shock light up her face. I could tell she tried to hide it a second later but she didn't do a very good job.

"His name is Knox." I offered up, hoping that talking about him more would fix the awkwardness that now filled the air around us.

"And Knox is your friend?" Wendy asked. She was trying to recover herself as quickly as she could but she still sounded dumbfounded as she spoke. Confusion and utter disbelief seeping through her every word.

I nodded my head. "He's very nice..." I hesitated as I thought back to his interactions with Liam and Sean. "Well, nice to me." I altered.

"And how is he nice to you?" She asked not looking up. Remembering her pen, she started scribbling quickly on her note pad.

"H-He looks out for me in the hallways..." I started, looking away again briefly as I thought back. "He got my schedule changed so he could help bring me to my classes...He knows I don't like being around boys." I responded quietly.

"You told him about your fear?" Wendy questioned further, continuing to write passionately.

"Well," I hesitated, "I think he just picked up on it. He said he'd punch his friend because he was speaking to me." Even as the words left my mouth, I knew I was going to regret them.

Wendy's brows shot straight up, I would've laughed if it were a cartoon - or if it wasn't a reaction to something I had just said.

"He sounds violent, Annie." She gasped out.

I stuttered, trying to recover. "He's really not! I-I didn't explain it well." I furrowed my brows worriedly as I struggled to find the words to explain. Knox wasn't violent - or at least he wasn't a threat to me. He'd only threatened to punch Liam because it was clear that I was uncomfortable. He wouldn't have done that for any other reason. He had to have just picked up on my fear and was defending me.

"You're okay with him speaking like this?" Wendy asked incredulously.

"He's not violent. He wouldn't hit me." I ground out, growing more frustrated with not only Wendy but also myself. This is exactly why I don't share anything with her. She's making this into something that it's not.

"Annie," She massaged her temple as she spoke, "I know you don't like talking about your abandonment issues but you have to be more aware of who you let yourself get attached to. If you've only known this boy for a few days and he's already threatened to hit someone, you need to step back from him. He sounds like a bad influence and I don't want to see you getting wrapped up in it." She urged.

"Knox is my friend and he treats me well." I said curtly as I crossed my arms and leaned back into the couch. "I'm done talking."

Knox was the only one who bothered looking out for me throughout the school day. The only one who went out of his way to make sure that I felt safe and comfortable. The only one. There would be absolutely no way that Wendy could convince me that Knox was a bad influence.

Knox is my friend. Mine. And I'm not going to let her take him away from me.

He's already helping me get better. Wendy should be praising me for going out of my comfort zone - should be praising me for working to be better like she claims she wants me to be. 

But she's not and for that reason, consider this session over.