Knox's Little Annie

3

Serena had come to pick me up a short while later. She didn't ask me any questions when she picked me up nor once we got in the car. The entire ride was silent except for my occasional sniffing and the soft lull of the radio.

I knew Serena wasn't mad at me. I knew from the soft, sad smile she gave that she wasn't mad. That didn't mean I didn't still feel a bit guilty, though.

Serena worked hard with a job at a huge law firm further in the city. I knew her job could be stressful and it certainly wasn't made easier by having to leave early so she could attend to me and all my problems. I was just one more thing on her plate and I wished so deeply I could take back the nurse calling her to bring me home. I wish I had just walked home instead.

I had no doubt in my mind that she would say it wasn't a big deal. That she would understand why I needed to leave, needed her to come get me. That didn't lessen the guilt.

Even if she wasn't mad at me, she was clearly disappointed that she had to come. If not disappointed, then very clearly sad.

We had just pulled into the driveway when she finally turned to me and broke the silence, "Annie, what happened?"

"I-I...I was trying. I really was. I made it through first period. I didn't understand anything and I couldn't focus but I stayed. I was just trying to get to my second class and I- yeah." I sighed, tugging on the ends of my hair.

Serena frowned, "I'm sorry that happened. I'm so so sorry." She paused, sighing. "I will say that I'm also so proud of you for giving it a shot. You did the best you could today and that's all I asked for."

I smiled back at her weakly. Disappointment began to seep in. She could say she was proud all she wanted to but I knew deep down she was hoping for more. Maybe my best wasn't good enough today. Maybe I needed to actually try harder.

The rest of the morning, I mainly laid in bed and tried to nap off what happened. My head still ached a bit and my eyes stung from crying. I also had to shower the second I got home. I couldn't bare the feeling the burned itself into my skin any longer.

The nap did little to help, every time I closed my eyes, I felt like I was back in that hallway again. Choking, fainting, burning.

Before I knew it, it was already time to leave for my weekly therapist appointment.

I always dreaded it.

The way I would now eternally dread that hallway.

Wendy, my therapist, was a decently nice lady but there's not a single moment I can ever remember liking her. She certainly means well and I do think that she is knowledgable and trying her best to help me, but I have yet to feel like she actually understands my mind the way she thinks she does.

I hate the labels she always puts on me. It always manages to just make me feel broken and inadequate. I understand she's just trying to help but nothing she's said or done has ever felt like it's helping.

"I'll wait in the car like usual." Serena smiled at me as we pulled into the parking lot. She reached into the back seat and pulled out a book, sending me one last warm smile as I stepped out of the car.

I also hated the vibes of Wendy's office in general. Everything was an old brown color that made it hard to tell if it was on purpose or just from aging. The decor was so bland, it never ceased to make me feel sad and tired. The couches, at least, could be considered comfortable if you were able to overlook how dirty they had to be.

"Annie." Wendy's smile greeted me as she opened her office door.

Stepping to the side, she let me in. I passed her quickly and plopped down on my usual spot, brining my legs up to my chest instantly.