Knox's Little Annie

4

Serena dropped me off just as early as she had the day before. This time not out of necessity but just so that I could avoid as many people as possible. The idea worked, there were even less students mulling about than there had been yesterday. It was only for that reason that I was able to pull myself out of the comfort of the car.

Serena yet again didn't hesitate to drive away the second I was out and the door was closed, leaving me all alone for the second time.

Regret burned in my chest. I could feel my fingernails on the brink of cutting through the first layer of the skin of my palms from how hard I was clenching my fist. I was doing this for Serena, I reminded myself. I had to repeat this mantra in my head several times before the feeling slowly ebbed away.

Releasing a shaky breath, I looked up the front steps unsurely. I didn't know where Knox was or if he'd even be here this early in the morning to begin with - probably not. I also didn't know if I should expect him to help me out again today or not. Technically the woman in the office never said how much he had to help me and considering the way yesterday went, I wouldn't be too surprised if he wanted to avoid me altogether now.

The only thing I really did know in this moment was that I absolutely did not want to walk into that hallway yet. The idea alone reignited the spark of regret along with the panic that was beginning to feel all too normal these days.

My legs wobbled slightly as I walked up the steps. It was as if my own body wanted to fight me from heading any closer to this place. I wasn't going inside yet, though. For now I was just content enough to sit outside on one of the benches near the main doors.

I was grateful to sit down, letting out a small sigh of relief at no longer standing on my unreliable legs.

It wasn't until I sat down that I realized it probably wasn't my smartest decision to wait in this exact spot. Being directly next to the main entrance of the school meant a lot of foot traffic, a lot of people walking right past me. Maybe even looking at me. It felt too late to move now. I couldn't gather enough strength to go somewhere else, not that I even knew where else I would go anyways.

So I sat in that same spot for who knows how long. I didn't move an inch save for the wringing of my hands together. Not even my eyes shifted, completely focused on the same spot of concrete in front of my feet.

Just because I couldn't see everyone passing by didn't meant I couldn't hear them. Every scuffling shoe, every conversation, every deep sigh just amplified my own terror. I thought I could manage ignoring everything but every time the door opened, my eye uncontrollably twitched.

I tried everything I could think of to distract myself. I dug my nails into my thighs, hoping the pain would make everyone else not seem as bad in comparison. I counted down from 100 for no reason other than my therapist had suggested it once - it didn't work. I even tried recanting my mantra but it didn't feel as significant as it had before I had sat down.

I could feel people looking me this time too. My skin prickled with discomfort at the thought.

I couldn't really blame them. I probably looked really odd sitting here with my head faced down to the ground and my body slightly shaking. I probably looked like a freak.

My eyes started filling with tears I couldn't control. I don't know why I thought I could do this again so soon. The day hadn't even truly started yet and I was already panicking. I should've known I wasn't ready to be here. Embarrassment coated me, making me redden.

A throat cleared in front me, two large shoes stepping into my previously undistributed view.

I jumped in my own skin at the sound. My head snapped up, connecting my tear-filled eyes with Knox's. He frowned down at me, almost certainly confused as to why I was already crying so soon. His eyes were questioning and he tilted his head ever so slightly.