10 Feet Down (Original Version)

Chapter 32

Songs
hate u love u -  Olivia O' Brien
Never Let Me Go - Florence + The Machine
Words - Skylar Grey

Tre didn't show up to class on Friday. Prior to class, I was preparing myself to ignore his stares, but when class had started and the lecture discussions began, the seat that Tre had sat in before was empty. For fifteen minutes, I watched the doorway to see if he would come in late, but he never did. After the fifteen minutes I sat staring at the door, I finally started to relax in my seat and I actually took part in the class conversation. Professor Garrett smiled as I raised my hand to answer one of his questions.

During class, I started to feel like a sense of normalcy again. I didn't have anything distracting me and I could think clearly and openly about the topics we were discussing. I didn't have to look over at Tre to see if he was paying attention and I didn't have to feel this eyes on me, which always made my body heat up. Class felt like the beginning of the semester again and I really enjoyed that feeling of normalcy that hadn't been in my life in a while.

It is easy to get so caught up in distractions when they're right in front of you all of the time. It's easy to get lost in the things that you think are important, but they turn out to not be as important as they had appeared to be. I was always good at maintaining my own alignment and keeping focused, but being on my own away from the sheltered life I grew up in, I realized that it's hard to keep yourself focused when there are so many distractions constantly around you. It's okay to get distracted sometimes, but it's also important to make sure that you don't dwell on that distraction for too long. Because you can miss what's right for you when you are entertaining the distractions.

A lesson learned is to keep on my own path and focus on getting myself to the place I want to be, and then I can focus on the lesser things. It may sound selfish, but in the end, we all are just trying to build our lives the way we want to, even if it's not the right way for everyone else. You have to know what is right for you and what you deserve.

It's been a few days that I have been able to process more about what happened this past week, and I can say that while I do still feel anger towards Tre, I am more sad than anything else. I haven't been wanting to think about it, but I've forced myself to. I have been trying to keep my mind calm and go over everything that happened since I met Tre. I first think of the good things that happened. I got to experience what a real relationship was like. I finally got my first kiss and I understood why sex is regarded as such a normal, passionate thing. I got to feel what it was like to be in love and to feel love from someone else. I learned more about myself and what I need from my significant other. I also learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned to. Life is never easy and simple, and you cannot always get your way.

Then there are the bad experiences. I fought against and defied my parent's wishes so now I don't have any relationship or contact with them at all. I am on my own to handle most things in my life and I have to learn more on my own accord. Everything that I thought I knew about my childhood and growing up had been smoke and mirrors. And then there's the worst part. Finding out what I was so naive towards and feeling my heart be broken from the guy who I fell in love with. My whole world felt like it came crashing down right on top of me, suffocating me and making it hard for me to try and get up.