Better Than Milkshakes, Better Than Boys (girlxgirl)

[24]

I need to officially break up with Clay Ramirez.

I mean, we've not been together for quite a while now but I know I really need to make it aware to everyone that Clay and I are no más. It's not just for the sake of Clay and letting him move forward and find someone if he wants to, and it's not just because Freya is holding my 'infidelity' over my head like I'm a cheater. I'm doing this because I've been so concerned about my feelings that I never once even considered the way Mackenzie might feel.

Talking to her at my house on Friday night has meant that we can take another big step forward in trusting and understanding each other. She does play everything very blasé and acts like she isn't bothered, but now I know the reasoning behind it and I can't help but feel closer to her because of it. I was trapped in my own bubble of paranoia that I didn't even see Mackenzie was struggling in her own, upset and worried at the fact that I was essentially using Clay as my beard.

I've had the whole weekend to wrap my head around what I want to do, and officially breaking up with Clay is something I knew in my chest that I need to get around to doing. I want to do it for myself, and I want to do it to show Mackenzie how serious I actually am about her, even if I'm not quite at the stage where I'm bent on everyone being aware of my sexuality.

Weirdly enough, being in church with my mother solidified my decision. It wasn't the fact that I didn't burst into flames the second I walked through the front doors, or what pastor Nicholas was saying about listening to the members of our flock. No, it was the way everyone was asking me how Clay and I were doing and how I wanted nothing more than to tell everyone about how someone else had captured my attention.

Having to stand there and fake smile and lie to everyone who's seen the both of us grow up about how great we're both doing both in school and in our relationship, filled my with a bitterness that I need to make sure I never feel again. I don't want to have to lie about us anymore, and the longer I dwelled on it the more secure I felt in the idea of cutting my safety net.

So I'm cutting it.

It took a lot of convincing, especially because he didn't want girls hounding him with just over a week before his homecoming game, but he needs to understand that Mackenzie is my priority, and I don't want people to think we're still together when we're not anymore.

I thought I did, but being with Mackenzie makes me sure that I don't.

I'm filled with purpose as I stroll through the hallways to find Clay in order to officially cut the strings of the safety net in the eyes of the public, my eyes catching sight of him stood laughing with a bunch of his football friends. After speaking to him last night about publicly ending our relationship and confirming we're better off as friends to the rest of our peers, and we came up with the perfect approach. Being genuinely honest about it.

So that's what we plan on doing, starting with his group of friends, then mine, and hopefully the gossip will spread itself.

His curly hair is much longer than he usually has it, the tips scraping against his jaw and chin, his lean muscle hidden under his oversized letterman jacket, an item of clothing I haven't seen him wear in a while. I watch as his eyes fall over Peter Morrison's shoulder and fall on me, the way his face lights up at the sight of me making me feel all warm in my chest.

A friendly warm mind you, the feeling nowhere near on the same level of the butterfly scale as when Mackenzie smiles at me like that.

"Morning boys." I say chipperly, sidling up next to my best friend and letting him wrap his arm across my shoulders. I roll my eyes when I see the way Peter and the rest of Clay's friends nudge each other; I'm unsurprised that they're acting like neandarthals and I'm fresh meat, they haven't quite fully developed.