Better Than Milkshakes, Better Than Boys (girlxgirl)

[36]

I tried.

I tried to enjoy the rest of my time away.

The week should've been amazing.

We spent the remainder of the week trying out all of the slopes available to us, and a group of us even sneaked off to try the second mountain available with our lift pass. We ate amazing food, took full advantage of the spa facilities, and even drank four bottles of wine between the six of us that went into the resort's hot tub after hours.

Kekoa got so drunk that he agreed to jump out of the hot tub and cannonball off the balcony into the snow drift below. The poor boy looked like a scolded puppy when he came back up, his body shivering and covered in the powdery snow he couldn't manage to completely rid his body of.

I made friends with people I probably wouldn't normally have spoken to at school due to our social groups not really crossing, and I even started to appreciate Freya more. It turns out she has a personality that doesn't always scream stone cold bítch. She can sometimes be funny, and her sarcasm actually made me laugh this week instead of rolling my eyes like I would have at the start of the year.

I tried to appreciate the snow, all of the little moments that occurred, and the girl that I was sharing a bed with, but all I could accept and feel for the whole week was a bitterness that slowly burned into rage. A hot, aching rage that made the tips of my fingers feel like they were on fire and caused me to feel my heartbeat in the back of my throat.

Mackenzie could tell that something wasn't quite right with me after that night, but I didn't let her in when she asked me about it. I didn't want to seem like I was jealous or upset with the fact my friend, or my best friend, was kissing Clay. It wasn't like that, but I feared that she wouldn't understand.

I am hurt and angry and enraged at the fact that I went to my two best friends in tears that summer, sobbing to them whilst admitting that I felt like I was losing Clay, that I had lost him not only as a boyfriend but as a best friend because it felt like things weren't clicking into place the way they should be. I poured my heart out to the pair of them, and they let me wipe my tears on their shoulders and spent night after night holding me just so that I could sleep, all the while that backstabbing blonde-haired bítch knew exactly what was wrong with our relationship.

She knew why he was distant. She knew why something wasn't quite right. I can't help but think now that she caused all of that, that perhaps he was distant because he was trying to decide who he liked more or whether or not he could have his cake and eat it at the same time. We were going through a time back then when I knew he wanted to go the whole way and sleep together, but I wasn't quite ready. I knew it was frustrating Clay that I wasn't quite ready to go the whole way with him, and we had arguments about whether it was because I didn't trust or love him enough.

Lo and behold, I had a perfectly good reason not to trust him; I just didn't know it at the time.

It just makes so much sense that he suddenly stopped asking about it and then apologised for the way he was behaving. I have no doubt in my mind that Faye gave him a part of herself I wasn't ready to commit at the time.

That is why I am so hurt.

Not the fact she kissed him. If they told me tomorrow they liked each other and wanted to explore it, I would be their number one supporter. I have no romantic feelings for Clay anymore whatsoever. I am so blissfully happy with Mackenzie that I would've given them my blessing without a shadow of a doubt. It is the sheer fact that they were 'exploring' this behind my back.

So, with the utmost respect, screw the pair of them.

Both of them can kiss our friendship goodbye because there is no way in hell I could ever trust them again. As far as I know, he could've been sleeping with her throughout our entire relationship. He could've been sleeping with her and spending time with her after that point when he apologised to me. The thought of Clay and Faye going to the winter dance together now leaves a bitter taste in my throat as they assured me they were going as friends.